| Most are pretty simple and straightforward, though I don't know why a lot of folks apparently think I suffer from some sort of dysfunction and have no money. The messages are alluring: "Why be an average guy any longer" when "there are loads of medications available" and "my loan has been approved."
Others are more outrageous -- or incomprehensible. The subject line of one goes "Revelation, and Abram had ought ye that gave Joshua read." That was a direct quote.
One of my favorites is "Have metamorphic by cerebellum." Oh, and the ubiquitous "Failure Notice" – failure of what?
I wish I could make up stuff like that. But the truth is, I get enough oddball real e-mails, I actually have to check my deleted items regularly to make sure that I don't pass over legitimate messages from folks I really know.
Examples of "horticultural spam" I get:
"Plant database work" (a horticulture project I work with); "Greetings from the cold hole of Willow (a friend in Alaska sent a photo of his outhouse); "Summer chocolate mimosa" (an ad for a new purple-leaf mimosa); and "New Hooters Calendar" (photos of owls, from a friend in Oklahoma).
There are some that I have deleted that may have been real garden notes: "Your Test Results" could be from a soil sample I sent off.
"Grow Bigger, Faster" could be for a new shade tree. "Wow Your Loved One" with a new shrub rose.
"Act Now Before It's Too Late" to bring in your potted plants. "Why Wait" to make compost. "Don't Lose Your Chance" to plant spring bulbs.
Just as with Imogene Finch and her undulations -- and real horticultural advice, for that matter -- I gotta pick through what's real, and what's not.
Horticulturist Felder Rushing is a 10th-generation Southern gardener. His column runs in Home & Garden twice a month. Contact him at felderrushing.net. His show, "The Gestalt Gardener," is on Mississippi Public Radio 90.3 FM at 9 a.m. Fridays, rebroadcast 10 a.m. Saturdays.
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