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By Hank Stuever
The Washington Post 
Suddenly limits, just a hint of limits! The sheeple start taking the computers out of their kids' rooms. Just enough of them ignore the Decider. They unanimously reject the Gap's skinny black pants out of simple respect for the ghost of Audrey Hepburn. They discover new frontiers in shame via YouTube and then look askance. Our sense of justice finally leads somewhere: Britney expunges Kevin; Jim kisses Pam; your husband finally realizes that phone in his ear makes him look like a dork.
You go outside, kick off those ill-thought Crocs, and birdies sing fleeting songs of $2 gas. That slight rustling sound? It's millions of teenagers pulling up their pants an inch — the new look. A prim, white-haired man in a pinstriped suit soothingly yet sternly commands an army of young fashionistas to "make it work," and the weird thing is, they do. "Make it work" has somehow upstaged "stay the course," and you resolve to go on living, and immediately set about making your List.
" America 's Next Top Model"
Low-rise, boot-cut jeans
Fall Out Boy
Pussycat Dolls
Bringing sexy back
Perez Hilton
Reggaeton
" Laguna Beach "
Lance and Sheryl
Wrestling-coach voice
Deluxe pool tables
Rummy
White belts
Anderson Cooper
Blood diamonds
"Left Behind"
Universal remote
Hugh Jackman
Pierre Hardy bags
Pouilly-Fuisse
Kiki and Herb
Head On
Ford Giugiaro Mustang
Tickle Me Congressman
OxyContin
Goat skewers
Vogue Living
Marchesa
Al Gore
Fergie
Dancin' with the one who brung ya
Yoga rut
Rochas
AARP Rocky
Momentum
"Seinfeld" reruns
"Jesus Camp"
Yung Joc
Prepsters
Yellow-ribbon magnets
Going to Burning Man
Bible-study group
Blueberries
"Battlestar Galactica"
Barneys Co-Op
Fantasy football
Malls with Pac Sun
Il Divo
Chuck Klosterman
eBay
Jamba Juice
Danity Kane
Paula Deen
David Sedaris
Champagne cocktails
Avatar sex
Zach Braff
Jay-Z
Adrien Brody
Britney is getting better
Abstinence
Crazy "Deadwood" fans
Book deals for bloggers
Dane Cook
EVOO
Thom Browne suits
New microfiber NBA balls
Disney princesses
Beatlesesque
Skulls
Gateau and four forks
Tom Ford Estée Lauder
"Chicken Noodle Soup"
Polaroid chic
Monica Lewinsky, pizza girl
Kiddie albums by indie rockers
Nationwide "Grease" auditions
Showing your baby bump
Michael Vick
Motorola RAZR
Toyota Scion xB
Penn State
"Ghost Rider"
Bob Dylan Musical
Condos
Rem Koolhaas
The Compassionates
Madea
Driving drunk
Fantasy bass fishing
Malls with Hollister
Thomas Quasthoff
Matt Taibbi
Pinkberry
"Dreamgirls"
Amy Sedaris
John Hodgman
Wine slushies
Avatar shopping sprees
John Krasinski
T.I.
Gaspard Ulliel
Lindsay is getting worse
Premarital sex
Crazy "The Wire" fans
Blogs for bloggers
Jim Gaffigan
Camellia tea oil
Timothy Everest suits
Old leather NBA balls
Disney fairies
Springsteenesque
Antlers
A truffle apiece
Tom Ford Black Orchid
Zicam swabs
Digital Leica M8
Monica Lewinsky, economist
"The Electric Company" on DVD
"High School Musical 2"
Showing your international adoption papers
Vince Young
Motorola Q
Toyota FJ Cruiser
Boise State
"Spider-Man 3"
Young Frankenstein Musical
Rondos
Thom Mayne
Your House Band
Rasputia
Driving nude
"Ugly Betty"
Higher-rise, stovepipe jeans
Cold War Kids
Cheetah Girls
Bringing soldiers back
TMZ
Favela funk
"Meerkat Manor"
Lance and Matthew
Mother-of-five voice
Deluxe pingpong tables
Resveratrol
The Kuiper Belt
Keith Olbermann
Moissanite
"World War Z"
Universal health care
Daniel Craig
Devi Kroell bags
Carmenere Merlot
Little Edie Beale
Antidepressant perfume
Ford Shelby GT500
T.M.X. Elmo
Oxytocin
Pork belly
Men's Vogue
Sophia Kokosalaki
Al Gore
Lady Sov
"Dancing With the Stars"
Budokon
Nina Ricci
AARP Rambo
Omentum
"How I Met Your Mother"
$500-a-night treehouse resorts
Lupe Fiasco
Fops
Tillman jerseys
Reading Daniel Pinchbeck
Iraq Study Group
Acai berries
"Heroes"
Neiman Marcus Cusp
Copyright © 2007 The Seattle Times Company
When your eyes are presented with erotic images in a way that keeps you from becoming aware of them, your brain can still detect and respond to the images according to your gender and sexual orientation, a team of University of Minnesota psychologists has found. The team, led by graduate student Yi Jiang and his adviser, psychology professor Sheng He, found that even when unaware of erotic images in their field of vision, research subjects shifted the focus of their visual attention according to whether they were straight males, gay males, straight women or gay/bisexual women. The researchers, who have published their findings in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences online, stressed that while differences among the groups are clear, individual differences are not and so could not be used to determine a person's sexual orientation.
The purpose of the work was to uncover mechanisms by which the brain processes visual information that is not consciously perceived by the subjects. When subjects become conscious of images, the sequence of steps in brain processing becomes very complicated because neurons engage in all sorts of feedback and crosstalk--especially with emotionally charged information. The researchers were studying the flow of visual information at an earlier stage, while it is still traveling along a one-way path.
"We're trying to reveal what happens when one doesn't have a conscious visual perception. That is, how the brain processes visual information independent of consciousness," said He.
The researchers chose to generate brain activity by using erotic pictures because they promised to elicit strong responses and clear patterns in the data. But the researchers believe the mechanisms by which the brain processes such images are universal.
"This definitely doesn't just work for erotic pictures," said He. "But erotic images stand out in terms of potency to generate a response."
In the experiments, subjects were seated at a stereoscope, which allows different images to be simultaneously displayed to the left and right eyes. Each eye was presented with a square screen that was divided into two patches sitting side by side. One eye was presented with an intact picture of a nude person in one patch and the same picture scrambled in the neighboring patch. The other eye was presented with twin patches containing moving, high-contrast noise patterns similar to "snow" on a TV screen. As seen by the subjects, the screens from both eyes overlapped. The moving images had the effect of suppressing the information coming from the other eye, rendering the intact pictures invisible.
The subjects were then tested to see if their visual attention had shifted toward or away from the part of the visual field where the intact erotic image had appeared.
The strongest shift in attention toward the area where the image had been was in heterosexual men who had been shown nude female images. Those subjects also tended to be repelled by nude male images. Among heterosexual women, nude male images induced a less strong attention shift toward the image site but no significant shift in response to nude female pictures. Gay men behaved similarly to heterosexual women, and gay/bisexual women performed in between heterosexual men and women.
The divergent results among the groups of study subjects provide evidence that the subjects' brains were processing the visual information in a selective manner.
"Selective attention helps us to quickly process what is important while ignoring the irrelevant," the researchers write. "In this study, we demonstrate that information that has not entered observers' consciousness, such as [invisible] erotic pictures, can direct the distribution of spatial attention. Furthermore, invisible erotic information can either attract or repel observers' spatial attention depending on their gender and sexual orientation."
The images in the study were likely processed by the amygdala, a brain center that plays a critical role in processing emotional information, said He. But the researchers believe that the information about the images is probably destroyed at an early stage of processing by the cerebral cortex, where information from our two eyes is combined.
###
The work was supported by the James S. McDonnell Foundation and the National Institutes of Health.
Contact: Mark Cassutt
University of Minnesota
The thirtysomething singleton who went for a date with Guy Blews last month could barely believe her luck. Handsome, confident and exuding publicschool charm over an intimate candlelit dinner, he appeared to be the quintessential eligible bachelor.
So when he leant forward, took her hand and asked 'Do you ever want to get married and have children?' her heart must have been fluttering with anticipation.
She was brought down to earth with a crash.
'Because if you do, I'm not the man for you,' Blews added quickly. 'I don't want commitment, and I don't ever want to be a dad.'
He flashed a charming smile. 'I won't change, so it is up to you if we have a future.'
The young lady in question finished her dinner in haste, made her excuses and left.
While more and more Bridget Jones-style singletons yearn for marriage and babies, Blews has written a fiercely provocative book in which he claims men don't make lifelong partners and are programmed to have affairs.
Marriage And How To Avoid It has thrown a stick of dynamite into the midst of a society which traditionally counts marriage and twoparent families as the base for a solid social fabric.
All the empirical evidence tells us that children who come from a stable home with two married parents perform better academically and are happier than those raised in singleparent households. But Blews - no doubt aware of the headline-grabbing potential - claims otherwise.
Discounting the statistics with an impatient wave of the hand, he insists: 'In theory, marriage is a great idea, but it just doesn't work in practice.
'Very few marriages are truly happy. The reality is that most people within marriages are either deceiving themselves or deceiving their partner.'
'Women don't want to hear this, and men don't want to admit it. We're conditioned to expect a happy-everafter marriage. But I'm just telling the truth.'
So what lies behind this extraordinary crusade against marriage? Are these the illogical rantings of a confirmed bachelor who has failed to commit to any long-term relationship? Or are they the blinkered and cynical views of a man who was irreparably damaged by his parents' own broken marriage?
Arguments
The answer, it seems, is a mixture of both.
Blews, 38, was raised in his family's mansion in Hertfordshire, the eldest son of a wealthy stockbroker and stay-at-home mother. He boarded at Lockers Park, a single-sex private school, and recalls holidays spent in a misery of arguments and tension between his parents.
He says: 'I watched them row over stupid things like money or the garden, and even at the age of ten I would think: "What the hell are they doing together?"
'I used to shrink away from their furious rows and slam the doors in an attempt to stop them screaming at each other.
'To the outside world, they were the perfect couple. Once the doors were closed, they were trapped in a cage together - and as a child, I felt utterly powerless to help.'
Blews was 15 when the family faced a terrible tragedy - the death of his 12-year-old brother Adam, who suffered from the incurable Batten's disease, which attacks the nervous system and is inherited. The news was broken in a terse phone call from his father.
Blews says: 'He died on the day after his 12th birthday. I rang home from school and asked my father how Adam was, and he replied: "He's not with us any more." '
As well as being a brutally cold way to break the news to a young boy, the tragedy also proved to be another nail in the coffin of a dying marriage. Blews says: 'My father didn't deal with Adam's death at all - he just kept a stiff upper lip. My mother became a bereavement counsellor, helping others.
'My parents finally split up when I was 21. She was forced to sell the home in which I'd been brought up. I had to pack my things up and as I drove away from my real home for the last time, I had tears running down my face.'
At around the same time, Blews dropped out of a philosophy degree at King's College, London, began working as a doorman in a nightclub and got engaged to his girlfriend.
He says: 'I thought it was the right thing to do. It was so easy to fall in love, and then propose, and talk about living happily ever after.'
But already Blews had embarked on a brief fling with another woman.
He says: 'I remember lying in this woman's arms, thinking about my fiancee, and realising that our marriage had no chance. I thought: "I can't even behave now, and I've made half the commitment." '
One can only imagine what Blews's high-society fiancee thought when she was confronted by his tearful confession on her doorstep.
'She opened the door and I told her I had cheated, and that I was breaking off our engagement so that I couldn't hurt her again.'
He adds, without a hint of irony: 'She wasn't pleased, to say the least.'
There followed a succession of ill-fated relationships. One does not have to be a psychologist to see a pattern emerging - with Blews continuously picking relationships which were doomed from the start. Like, for example, the needy single mother.
'We moved in together and I played daddy for a few years. I loved the children, but we argued a lot and she was very insecure. When we split up, we weren't on speaking terms - but I still miss the children.'
When he turned 30, Blews moved to the west coast of America to try to establish a career in the film industry.
'I remember sitting on the plane, confidently predicting I was going to find myself a new life and a wife,' he says.
'I still expected to go down the same route as my parents and my friends - marriage, children and black labrador. But I began to count my failed relationships. I had been in proper, grown-up relationships from the age of 18, and 12 years later they still weren't working out.
'My own parents were divorced, and so were the parents of my friends. Logically, I realised that humans are not really built to be with someone for ever and ever. Each relationship has a shelf life - around ten or 11 years, usually. Then people naturally change, mature and move on.
'Marriage is about being married for ever and ever - an old-fashioned concept which takes no account of the way couples change and grow, or the incredible opportunities that women now have with their own careers.'
The idea that a couple might grow and evolve together, to make their relationship even richer, seems to have escaped him.
Only enduring relationship
Bizarrely, the only enduring relationship in Blews's adult life was with a woman newly diagnosed with multiple sclerosis - another partnership doomed from the outset.
He says: 'I met Jill at a party seven years ago. She was 27, a successful PA, and although she showed few symptoms, she had just learned that she was suffering from MS.
'Neither of us wanted marriage, and we kept separate homes - we lived in her house in Hollywood for five days of the week, and spent weekends at my apartment in Malibu. We agreed that we would forgive each other if either of us were unfaithful - but we never cheated.'
He pauses, and adds: 'I never felt trapped, so there was never the need to run to somebody else.'
Jill, however, became increasingly trapped in a body which was fast failing her. Blews recalls: 'It was an evil disease, because we never knew how she would be each day.
'She could have two bad weeks then feel fine - and suddenly she would wake up and her vision would be blurred. We would walk down the road and her legs would give way.
'She started to talk about dying - about how wonderful it would be just to close her eyes and go to sleep. I thought it was just talk...' His voice trails away.
On November 13 last year, Blews returned home after a two-day business trip, anxious because his phone calls to Jill had not been answered.
He says: 'I opened the door, calledher name and the house seemed like a vacuum, it was so silent. I was immediately scared. I walked up the stairs, calling all the time, and I slowly pushed open the bedroom door.'
Jill's body was there, her head horribly injured by a self-inflicted gunshot wound. It was a gruesome sight which was seared on Blews's memory as he stood struggling to take in the scene.
'My knees suddenly went weak, but I couldn't stop looking at her,' he says.
'I said "Oh, you've done it", and for the first time in my life I simply didn't know what to do. It was only when I called the emergency services that I actually started to cry. I was utterly hysterical.'
The coroner's report later stated that Jill had swallowed an overdose of sleeping pills, before shooting herself in the mouth. A suicide note lay beside her body.
'I've faced three major losses in my life,' says Blews. 'The death of my brother, the loss of the love of my life, and the end of my parents' marriage. Looking back, I've coped because I knew that all three were terminal. My brother and Jill couldn't be cured, and neither could my parents' marriage.'
So does his own experience give him the right to condemn marriage as an institution?
He seems to have decided that since he is incapable of monogamy - and his father left his mother for another woman - every other man should be condemned, too.
Among his more preposterous claims in his book is this line: 'What's the difference between a faithful husband and an unfaithful husband? One gets caught!'
He also tells his readers: 'We should accept that humans aren't necessarily monogamous. And when marriage fails, women and children are the victims.
'Yet still we try to indoctrinate children with the lie that happiness equals growing up, getting married and living happily ever after. It is a childhood fantasy created by parents - just like Father Christmas.'
Of course, this goes against the avalanche of research which suggests that married couples are happier and healthier, and that children raised in two-parent homes do better at school and in life. So what does Blews say to that?
'It is rare for anyone to be truly happy within a marriage,' he explains. 'I know couples who have been married for 20 or 30 years. But they have still drifted apart in order to cope.
'He plays a lot of golf, she goes shopping with her friends. Can anyone look at friends and say they know someone is 100 per cent happily married?
'The fact is that people change. Within ten years they've discovered each other, grown up, matured and probably drifted apart. It is a natural progression.
'I'm going to the wedding of my friends next month and they make a lovely couple. But while I'm certain they are right for each other right now, I can't honestly say that they will still be together or happy in a decade.
'They will be two totally different characters than the ones who will walk down the aisle together with so much promise and hope.'
Unsurprsingly, Blews adds, he hasn't been asked to be the best man. But does he actually offer an alternative to marriage?
'We need to be honest,' he says. 'Life changes and so do relationships. Couples should get together accepting that they will enjoy the moment, but knowing that their relationship is subject to change.'
And what about children? 'I don't think children need to have one house with one roof. Better to raise them knowing that Mummy and Daddy have two different houses. They can spend time with each parent separately, as well as family time together.
'It means the children will grow up accepting this as the norm, and if the relationship between the parents does collapse, it will be far less traumatic for everyone.'
Quite how we are supposed to swallow such acerbic advice against marriage - from a man who has never married - is anybody's guess.
46 people have commented on this story so far. Tell us what you think below.
Obviously his theory makes him feel a lot happier about himself. However ... on what authority or research is this book based on? Perhaps he should make it very clear that this is just his opinion on the subject, nothing more!
- Margarida Jordan, Lisbon, Portugal
What selfish, immature drivel! Do a follow-up on the lonely old geezer in twenty years, will you? By then I will have been happily married to my soul-mate for fifty years, enjoying the intimacy and fulfilment that can only come from mutual care and commitment. Along with the financial and emotional stability, we'll also be enjoying the shared stories and experiences that have deeply enriched our lives. Too bad this Guy never will.
- Steve, London, Canada
Sounds like an interesting book this, from some of the quotes above I would tend to agree with what Guy Blews has written, and that is speaking from a position of being married for over 30 years.
- Graham, Fareham
I totally and whole heartedly agree with with Guy Blews. I am a single 39 year old women with a 13 year old daughter. My parents were divorced when I was 9, after having 4 daughters. My father has been married 4 times. My ex partner and I were together for 7 years and were never married as he couln't commit to marraige and then left me for another women when my daughter was 3and a half. I have had many relationships with men who have all let me down, some long term some short term. But I totally agree I haven't met anyone who is totally happily married or hasn't had an affair with another person. Who are we kidding, guys are just not made to stay with the one person.
- Belinda Cook, Melbourne, Australia
Bravo on this wonderful piece of penmanship, it was very refreshing!
- Jacquie, USA
What an absolute load of crock. What a self-obsessed man! Just who would want to marry him?
- Maire Leyne, London
I actually feel very sorry for him. I am sure this article is meant to be provocative but his claims seem proposterous set against his tragic life. He obviously can't commit because of personal loss. He isnt a "quintessential eligible bachelor" to me but a very sad and tortured person who obviously needs some kind of counselling to move past the awful events in his life. I wish him well and hope that he understands that while he doesn't think marriage is for him, that life is a missed opportunity without appreciating the love and kindness of other people. He is obviously afraid to fall in love.
- Laura, London
In that case I must be the exception.
- Gordon Sturman, Sutton, UK
What a sad article. It goes to show the damage caused to children of a broken marriage. However just because he experienced the worst side of relationships does not mean that everyone can never be faithful or have a happy loving and lasting one. It's a pity he chooses to rubbish fidelity for the sake of not getting his feelings hurt.
- El, London
Take it as a pinch of salt and I bet in the next few years if anyone bother to check him out again that he is happillly married with kids.
- Grace, Berkshire
At last. Someone who is prepared to be honest. Marriage and a permanent, faithful, unchanging relationship is an unnatural concept. Having our own homes and a succession of partners is more realistic. Children need not suffer: quite the opposite, they could benefit by having two homes and parents who did not argue in their presence. How many marriages, I wonder, are underpinned by jealousy and spite rather than love?
- Ken, Bangkok, Thailand
Men are not programmed to have affairs at all. Absolute rubbish. Once you fall in love and find the right person you will want to spend the rest of your life with that person and cheating doesnt even come into the equasion. This guy just hasnt experienced true love yet and with an attitude like that he never will.
- D.D, Hampshire
Poor man. He seems to be finding it easier to claim that his faults are based on his gender, rather than on his unhappy life so far. It's often easier to look at a wider picture that includes others, than zoom in on ourselves.
- Lorrie, Manchester, UK
I tend to agree that most relationships are subject to change over the years and many are not destined for happily ever after, however I still feel that we should aspire to create a marriage that is able to transcend these obstacles and remember that those who acheive marital bliss are the people who develop effective ways of being happy together rather than those who are naturally perfect for one another. Guy's opinion is fairly logical in terms of modern divorce rates and reflects societal trends, he is clearly intelligent if a little fatalistic (and who can blame him?). Guys negative life experiences should not be employed to negate his opinion but unfortunately do introduce a whiff of emotional nihilism which many will use to dismiss his often valid and accurate observations about modern life and love.
- Clair, Leeds
Whilst I feel sorry that this man has had such a rotten time, I don't believe his statement for one moment. Everyone can be faithful if they want to and have something called willpower. It is that men are so easily led by their anatomy!
- Shirley, UK
I totally agree with him, and I am a woman!
People should stop deluding themselves about marriage. It is absolutely true that many couples stay together for 20-30 years (a am one of them), but are they happy or they stay together for other reasons (the house, the children,the money, what other people say)?
If everybody had the guts to say the truth they would all agree with him. Bravo!
- Stephanie, London
I agree that true love should bond two people together but for some,that lack the knowledge to understand, they form attachments that they find hard to break and are then drawn into an affair.
- Alan Grocock, Huntingdon Cambs
It's a huge generalisation, People do change and so do relationships and the future can never be predicted, there are men (and women) out there who feel like he does but there are also men and women who can be and want to be faithful.
It seems to me that he is trying to justify his behaviour by generalising, he paints an image of women desperately for relationships with men who are unable to commit - which is just not true for the most part.
- Tracey, Dublin
'Men can NEVER be faithful' makes for a provocative headline, which may well ring true for some but not for others. Commitment and fidelity isn't automatic: it takes patience, maturity, and - yes - an ability and willingness to compromise. Poor, bruised Guy seems to lack these attributes. He's obviously scarred by his own, deeply personal experiences, but also seems scared to enter the world of grown-up relationships. We've all been let down along the way, but you have to grow (and grow up) and get over it. Marriage isn't for everyone of course, but Guy shouldn't rubbish it to justify his own personal disappointments, failures and failings, which he clearly blames on everyone else, particularly his parents. If he's truly happy living his solo life, why doesn't he just get on with it, rather than exorcising his personal demons so publicly? Is this not just a case of a self-justifying and rather bitter 'have-not' taking a swipe at the 'haves' he holds in such obvious contempt?
- Ian, ex-pat, France
If he had so many relationships in the space of 12 years that he had to count them I would question whether they were "proper grown up relationships". He does seem to have had a lot of tragedy in life and is probably running from any sort of emotional connection with others.
- Amt, Lincs, UK
Each to his own. This young man, at present, sounds extremely disillusioned with the concept of marriage. However, his honesty is somewhat refreshing. Whether he changes, as he so rightly states that everyone does, remains to be seen.
- Elaine Grant, Letchworth Garden City, UK
Marraige as an institution is artificial and man made, in the sense of it being the accepted norm. The happy lifelong marraige is a myth and does not exist. We are simply not designed to be faithful to our partners regardless of our gender. All married women as well as men eventually cheat on their partners. It usually is just a matter of time, a few weeks or months for some and a few years for the more persevering. Eventually, discovery ensures that hearts get broken and the marraige begins a slow inexorable crumbling.
- Oluseye, London
He is clearly determined not to become involved in a serious relationship. I can only imagine he must have been truly hurt and affected by his parents' marriage breakdown and his brother's death through all this.
I suggest he goes for counselling sessions (perhaps his mother could help) to help clear out the old problems. Carrying baggage around in relationships can only worsen the problem, hence his many relationships in such a relatively short space of time.
- Nf, Reading, England
I feel very sorry for him - maybe writing this book will be a cacatharsis for him.
- Caz Bowling, Reading, Berkshire
I agree with Stephanie and applaud Guy Blews for his honesty. While a lot of his disappointments stem from personal trauma, it would be delusion to claim that all long-term marriages survive because of love and companionship. Habit, fear of doing it alone, children, joint finances – all play just as an important part. How many women accept any “good enough” guy, cohabit unmarried for years in the hope that one day they’d get a proposal, worse – have children in those relationships, and men eventually succumb because they decide it’s time to “settle down” – got to be the worst reason ever!
- Anon, London
I'm the female version of Blews - no amount of counselling can erode instinct - the events in our lives, be they tragic or happy, make is think and mould us as individuals. The concept of and marriage are two entirely different things!
- Jj, Cheshire
He might think differently when he's old and wrinkly and sitting all alone in a retirement home. Oh well won't he have a lot of lovely memories of no particular woman at all.
He blames his innability to have a fully loving family of his own because of his parents? How sad is he? If that's his choice then its a blessing in disguise to all womankind!
- Mh, Harrow, Middx
It sounds to me like the ramblings of a bloke who keeps getting dumped and wants to try and get his own back on womankind!
- Mh, Harrow, Middx
He is making sweeping statements. I do it all the time but none of us can speak for the rest of the human race. Whether married or single, life is never one hundred percent happy.
He should wait and be patient someone will come along and he'll fall very heavily. Just when he thinks he's past love that is when he meets his last love and he'll love her like he's never loved before. As the song goes.
I agree with Mr William Hague you should marry your best friend. My husband is my best friend. We argue all of the time but it sharpens our wits and we love it.
All the best to you and learn to relax more.
- Josephine Juden, England
A bit of a generalisation!
- John, Farnborough UK
I totally agree with this man!
How one feels and looks at life, at the age of 22, can change drastically, by the age of 32.
I also believe that men are not truly, by nature, monogamous - this is more a female lifestyle.
The way he describes his parents marriage, sounds familiar to me.
- Kate, Niagara
It's like reading an essay on 'Why I'm happy to be fat' (the hidden message being 'I gave up trying').
I didn't beleive in marriage, until I met my Wife. It's a bit like trying to describe falling in love in the first place - you can tell who hasn't, as they're the ones that rationalise with 'Well, Why should I?' As if you could make a concious decision about it.
My parents rowed all the time. So, everyone's relationship is like that, eh? This guy truly is naive. To try and justify bringing up a child with divorced parents as if nothing has changed. Why not ask some people that have been through it already? He might find differing answers.
Has he decided that all men are going bald as well, since he is?
- Lawson Gold, London
We all have traumas to face as we go through life.
I have faced my fair share during 43 years on this planet.
A sense of humour is the key! Lightened up mate! There is someone out there for us all!
- Jeanette Hamilton, Newcastle Upon Tyne. England
As a married man of 31 years, I can honestly say I havn't had an affair or even contemplated one. I value my wife and my family too much to hurt or lose them. Finding other women attractive is only natural, but taking things any further is just a sign of immaturity.
- David Watkins, Watford, Hertfordshire
I am a single mother and although managed to stay married for 12 years found that after the first few years it became more of a routine and even though we cared for each other a great deal had lost most of the passion and romance that we once felt. I wholeheartedly agree with Guy, I also don't know of a completely happy and satifying marriage, every one of my married freinds constantly call me up to complain about their husbands about one thing or another and they seem to lack the passion found at the beginning of every relationship. It is far healthier to not live together and keep that passion alive.
- Louise, Tonbridge, Kent
Because women make it impossible.
- Bob Cooper, Hornchurch England
It sounds like he is mistaking the joint decision to partner up for life with agreeing to never ever change. People have always and will always change and yet marriage has survived for thousands of years. I can understand not wanting to get that close to someone but he just seems to hide behind weak excuses and in so doing tars all men with the same brush.
- M, London
Of course he's a cynic and I don't blame him in consideration of the blows that life and his up-bringing has dealt him. It sounds like his parents have shown him that you shouldn't have to make the effort to build a strong connection and an everlasting commitment to maintain a healthily balanced secure relationship within marriage that extends to the rest of the family unit. Not only that, their emotional baggage has been passed on to him - which happens for generations until one day someone gets counselling and sorts themselves out. Happy marriages do exist, but only for those that are prepared to work on themselves and not burden their partner with symptons of their past that create ineffective communication and tension when life in general is a challenge.
In writing his book and using other couples he knows of as examples, he is simply reinforcing to himself and the world, the conclusion he has come to, using natural progression as evidence. What a shame for him.
- Eliza, Kent
An honest man - I take my hat off to him.
- Maureen, Port Sainte Foy .
Tell Peter Pan to grow up.
- Traci, Baltimore, MD USA
Thats a bit cheeky Bob! Maybe the book is a kind of therapy for him, hope he finds happiness at some point, but you have to be happy with yourself first and that's the hardest part.
- Jo, Manchester
No marriage is successful - not if you class success as never having problems, never rowing and never having disagreements.
But when you decide to form a family unit and you agree on what it is you both want out of life, and you both try to give the other person what they need, instead of both trying to take what you want. Then chuck in a healthy sense of humour and you have a recipe for a fun and fulfilling life together and reasonably well adjusted children if you want them as well.
Guy Blews needs a good laugh. He seems to take himself much too seriously. Poor bloke!
- Michele, Wales
Blews is right. Marriage is an outdated convention that for some reason all young girls dream about, the divorce statistics show that we should dump the white wedding happy ever after rubbish and look towards relationships based on love, trust and above all honesty.
- Hugh, Wigan England
So marriage and monogamy as an institution is doomed to failure and derision because there are no marriages that are "100% happy"? Are there any bachelors or spinsters who are 100% happy? What an extraordinarily immature aspiration! Perhaps when the author finds himself old and alone and ill and forgotten he'll wonder if perhaps 85% wouldn't have been all the heaven one can wish for in this world.
- Cornelia, London
I can think of several genuinely happy and successful marriages within my social circle. My parents had an unhappy marriage because of my father, but rather than turn me off marriage that just turned me off men who were like my father. I fell for and married someone who was as different from my Dad as it's possible to be! I think the key is to choose well. And of course luck is involved too. For me Blews's thesis just doesn't wash - but I wish him hope: he has suffered more than his fair share of tragedy.
- Maria, USA
So what if you dont want to get married or have kids? News flash - we dont have to. Why do people assume we have to? Also, why cant we marry for the years it works and then divorce as soon as it stops? - at least then you've had some good years and then cut your losses?
- Nic, Bath