"Sexy at Any Size: The Real Woman's Guide to Dating and Romance"

By Katie Arons

with Jacqueline Shannon

Fireside Books, $12

---------------------------

The average American woman is 5 feet 4, weighs 147 pounds and wears a Size 14. There are as many women who wear Size 18 as wear Size 8. But many women disparage themselves and feel like they don't deserve to be loved because our society equates thinness with beauty, says plus-size model Katie Arons in her book, "Sexy at Any Size: The Real Woman's Guide to Dating and Romance."

Many men love a bigger woman's softness, appetite and curves, Arons notes. Finding them can be tricky but worth the effort.

"We live in a media-driven society, and just as we battle our physical shortcomings, men have pressure on them, too - to acquire a trophy woman . . . Some of these guys are hopeless cases - they wouldn't be caught dead with a bigger woman.

"I find that kind of a relief. My skinny friends always seem to end up with guys who are obsessed with women's bodies. Who needs that? I think women obsess enough about their bodies as it is. We don't need any help, thank you very much."

Some of her tips for improving self-image and attracting men:

-- Make a list of every compliment you receive. To restore your confidence, take this list out and read over it slowly on days when you feel insecure. Have at least one "fat day" outfit that fits great, is in a favorite color and draws compliments. Wear it on days when you feel the worst.

-- Contradict every negative opinion about your body that comes to mind. Admire the parts you like. If you can't say something nice, at least say something neutral: Instead of "My legs are so fat," go with "My legs are strong."

-- Take care of your body and move on. "Realize this is it - you look the way you do because it is the way you are meant to look." Get rid of your scales.

-- Evaluate your best friends and other people you admire. Ask yourself, "What do I like best about him or her?" Looks are almost never at the top of the list. "This exercise can help you understand that not only is your body size not everything, it often counts very little or not at all."

-- Look at photographs and paintings of women in earlier eras. Flip through a photo album of Marilyn Monroe (Size 16) or seek out the paintings of Rembrandt, Renoir, Rubens and Botero.

-- "My body, my business." This is a polite and simple but no-nonsense response to negative comments about your weight. A more in-your-face response is, "Yeah? Well, you're ugly and stupid and you can't diet that away."

-- Be positive, happy and confident. "Confident women are women men want to know."

-- Initiate contact with the opposite sex. "As a big woman, nine times out of 10 you'll have to make the first move."<>