Stylish maternal fashions and lots of exercise advice for expectant and new moms means there's no excuse not to look great — even sexy.

But when your hormones are haywire, you're exhausted and you feel like a house, is that a good thing?

Magazine covers feature beautiful pregnant and new-mom celebrities; form-fitting fashions expose curves and the outstretched belly. Shops even sell maternity thongs.

So is it an empowering celebration of an important stage in women's life, as some argue, or, as others protest, a new unrealistic goal for women to keep an otherwise fat-free body with "the bump"?

More pregnant women are exercising and then hitting the gym — or at least the neighborhood with a stroller — as soon after birth as possible, said personal trainer Sue Fleming, author of "Buff Moms" (Villard Books, 2004) and "Buff Moms-to-Be."

"They're not satisfied looking like a mom anymore," Fleming said. "They want to look great."

And what's wrong with looking like a mom?, wonders Muffy Mead-Ferro, the Utah-based author of the forthcoming book, "Confessions of a Slacker Wife" (Da Capo Press, April). "To have to be fit and fabulous during or right after pregnancy adds pressure at a time of life that's already filled with so much stress and uncertainty," she said.

Most women struggle with weight at least one point in their lives, and for many, pregnancy and the year after birth are challenging periods. For every mom who revels in her voluptuous curves, there's another who wonders if her partner still finds her attractive.

"The image thing is huge," said new mom Julie Nicoletta of Seattle. "Every day you look at yourself and wonder, 'God, will I ever get my body back?' "

A Johns Hopkins study of 130 pregnant women found that about a fifth had tried at least one weight-restricting behavior during pregnancy; these women tended to be more anxious, depressed, angry and stressed.

Women with more-positive body images were more likely to feel better about the pregnancy in general, according to the study, published in 2003.

While two-thirds of women said they were proud of looking pregnant, nearly four out of 10 expressed a worry about getting fat, including those who gained within the recommended amount. Despite the common perception of pregnant women gleefully "eating for two," less than 10 percent of women said they liked being able to gain weight for a change.

For Jennifer Price of Snohomish, who describes herself as "chunky," pregnancy "was the first time I didn't feel self-conscious (about weight)," she said. "It was the first time I felt really good about myself."

Still, after she gave birth, she heard plenty of patronizing and outright rude comments.

"When you're pregnant, people don't seem to care," said Price, a mom of a 3- and 6-year-old who contributed to the current mixed-media show "bodyBODY." "But the minute you have the baby, fat is totally unacceptable."

Moms taking prenatal and postpartum yoga classes at the Seattle Holistic Center expressed ambivalence about weight gain. Of course it was worth it for the baby — but did they have to be quite SO large and awkward? And sure, they know it's unrealistic to look to celebrities as role models, but still, slim stars "give the rest of us a bad name," said expectant mom Rachel Katz Carey of Seattle.

"I saw Julia Roberts on 'Oprah' — she was seven months pregnant with twins and had this perfect sphere belly," Katz Carey said. "Otherwise she looked exactly the same as before."

Several pregnant moms said they had friends "freaking out over how much weight they gained" but "I've come to the conclusion you don't have any control over it," said expectant mom Andrea Radosevich of Seattle.

Pregnancy styles are so fitted and revealing now, some moms said it was difficult to find flattering maternity clothes. "Pregnancy clothes are meant to be tight now," said Jen Heller of Seattle, who is eight months along. "I thought the bonus of being pregnant was everything has elastic and you get to be comfortable."

Seattle's Dawn Box was shocked when she went shopping for maternity clothes. "I'm more sensitive to [weight gain] than I thought I would be," she said. "I was in the dressing room going, 'Oh my God, I'm huge!' "

Still, she told herself to "chill out" and focus on doing what she can to take care of her body, such as eating right, doing yoga and walking. "The big picture is this is not about me; it's about keeping the baby healthy," she said. "Whatever weight I gain, I can worry about later."

That worry fell on the next yoga class for new moms and babies.

"I lost half the weight in the first two weeks and nothing since," said Nicoletta, whose baby is 3 months old. "I thought it would happen a little sooner than this."

When she recently returned to work, she was dismayed she couldn't fit into her professional clothes. "There's amazing pressure to get back to normal," she said. "I refuse to buy new clothes in a bigger size."

Queen Anne mom Salone Habibuddin admitted feeling insecure over her postpartum body. "I can't help wondering if my husband thinks I'm still the same," said Habibuddin, who has a 2½-month-old baby. "I look at myself and see my big belly and big hips. He reassures me, but I have to wonder if I still look attractive."

The postpartum period is "an incredibly confusing time for many women," said Dr. Nancy O'Neil, an obstetrician/gynecologist with Northwest Women's Healthcare, which is affiliated with Swedish Medical Center. "They're not pregnant anymore, but they're not back to themselves yet. In this country, there really isn't a role for it. The media's presentation of a nursing mom as a beautiful, slender woman with large breasts is not how it works for most moms."

The weight can be lost, O'Neil said. "It's an old wives' tale that your body changes permanently and you'll never be fit and slender again. That's not true — but it often takes a lot of work."

Some women decide it's just too much effort and accept a new, rounder body, and that's OK too, O'Neil said. "There is a healthy range of weight. Obviously, we don't want to see people be obese, but it's refreshing to have somebody embrace a new body image as long as she's healthy and taking care of herself."

Stephanie Dunnewind: sdunnewind@seattletimes.com.