Mentor Tracy LeBel introduces her mentee Patty White, 24, as "my friend." She invited White and her daughter, Grace Vaglio, 2 ½, to her children's recent joint birthday party, and she has them over for dinner.

Despite the 12-year age difference and the socioeconomic gap between the stay-at-home mom, LeBel, and the single working one, White, the moms bonded over parenting kids the same age.

The duo was paired through Children's Home Society's Healthy Start Parent Mentor Program for young moms. It's one of a handful of Seattle-area efforts to mentor parents and families who face challenges from social isolation, youth or poverty.

Two of the programs, Healthy Start and the Model Family Mentorship Program, celebrate their 10th anniversaries this year. The new Mom2Mom Project through the Stroum Jewish Community Center and the Model Family program are unique in the country, as far as their research has found. Though they target different groups — one young moms, one Jewish moms and one single parents — all emphasize respectful, nonjudgmental support through listening and friendship.

"No one has all the answers on how to raise kids or provide for a family," said Gary Boone, chairman of the Seattle-based Model Family program and recent best man at his mentee's wedding. "But mentors have access to resources and can pass those on."

The programs work with parents, but kids benefit too. "We know from research that when moms are supported and their relationship with their baby is supported, then babies thrive," said Marjorie Schnyder, who coordinates the Mom2Mom Project for Jewish Family Service. "A mom's emotional well-being really impacts the baby."

That's what motivated LeBel to volunteer. "I was never a single mom, but I was a mom without support," said LeBel, whose family all lives on the East Coast. When her daughter Sophia, 7, was born, they'd just moved to the West Coast, her husband worked long hours and none of her friends had babies.

"I didn't have a community to help me. I thought I'd have something to offer in terms of support, if [a mentee] needed a friend to bounce ideas off. It's hard with your first baby because you feel like you don't know what you're doing."

LeBel was matched with White, then 22, within a few days of Grace's birth. LeBel's son Gilbert, 3, is a few months older than Grace and the kids play together.

"I try to be the person in her life who encourages her," said LeBel, who lives in Bothell with her husband, Hardy, a video-game developer. "That's what you need when it's your first kid. I reinforce how she's doing a super job with Grace."

For the first year, White didn't have a car, so LeBel drove her to the food bank during their weekly meetings. "We'd chat in the car, and I'd play with the kids while she went to go get stuff."

White left her job as a waitress when Grace was born and needed a day job to make child care easier. LeBel drove her around to pick up job applications and check out day-care centers. When White needed baby equipment, they hit garage sales; Healthy Start also helps mentees with supplies.

LeBel's organized Type A personality is tempered by White's laid-back approach. "She's so calm," LeBel said. "Her attitude is, 'Things happen, things work out.' I think I worry about her life more than she does.

"The hardest thing for me is not jumping in to solve everything," she admitted. "I think I've learned as much from her."

During a recent get-together, White shared good news about a recent pay raise at her job at Curves and a possible move into a bigger apartment with her boyfriend. From her Day-Timer, she pulled out a new Santa picture of Grace, a petite charmer with big brown eyes. "She's the smartest kid in the whole school," White said. "She is! The teachers tell me that all the time."

Sometimes they meet at the park or children's museums or go for a walk. Today they hang out at LeBel's house and make peanut-butter cookies with the kids. They talk about kid TV shows and Grace's new molars. "She wakes up screaming and saying her mouth hurts," White says. "What are you giving her?" LeBel asks. "Tylenol," replies White. LeBel considers. "Have you tried a Popsicle?"

"She's helped if I ever had any questions," White explains later. "When Grace got her first teeth, Tracy had great ideas to help, like putting a wet washcloth in the freezer for her to chew on. Since it was my first child and I was doing it by myself, it was nice to have someone to ask."

Has she changed anything she does because of having a mentor?

"My life was totally different before I was in the program," White said. "I do everything differently now."

Mentors help the young moms set goals — whether related to parenting, career, housing — every six months. White aims to get Grace off her pacifier and start potty training.

Mentors, who go through extensive training, check children for developmental milestones, make sure immunizations are up to date and offer positive discipline techniques.

"The biggest misconception is mentors don't come in to save the day," said mentor coordinator Karen Wilson, who works with 35 mentees a year, some as young as 14. "It takes time, commitment and patience. We have no agenda with what the girls do."

Having a friend when you're a mom new to the area or without extended family can make it easier to connect with others, said Mom2Mom's Schnyder.

"A lot of what's out there for moms is going to a group," Schnyder said. "But not everyone wants a group — and then there's nothing for them."

Some shy moms eventually do join a mom's support group or mom-baby activity time after they first attend with a mentor. "That way, a mentor can introduce them around and they don't have to go on their own," Schnyder explained. "They walk in with someone by their side."

Unlike other local mentor groups, which focus on mothers, the Model Family program also serves single fathers. Out of the 45 Seattle mentees, about 10 are single dads, said Boone, who has seen a 50-percent jump in single fathers involved in the program in the last three years.

"He's been there for me during rough times and during good times," said Kurt VonWetzel of Federal Way, a single dad of three who Boone mentored for eight years. Now that VonWetzel recently remarried — with Boone as his best man — he hopes to become a mentor himself.

When VonWetzel was unemployed, Boone linked him with community help for food and rent, as well as offering job-search tips. "They don't look down on you because you don't have a high income," said VonWetzel, whose kids are 8, 17 and 20. "He treated me like a good friend, which I really appreciated."

The positive feeling goes both ways. "Being a mentor, you get something out of it, too," said Djenom Benjamin, a Bothell Police Department officer and Model Family mentor for six years. "It's kind of like giving and receiving at the same time."

Stephanie Dunnewind: sdunnewind@seattletimes.com or 206-464-2091.