Within yourself
Keep expectations realistic. You're less likely to explode if you understand what's age appropriate; for example, not expecting 3-year-olds to clean their entire room without a little help.
Understand child development. No, they're not just doing it to bug you. Some of it is the developmental stage. Talking to other parents with kids the same age can help you understand what's normal.
Take care of yourself. Parents who are tired and stressed are more likely to lash out. "If you're calm, you're better able to deal with the typical parenting issues that happen," Pantley noted. Make sure to include time to yourself. If you release tension through exercise or yoga, you won't need to blow it off yelling.
Peaceful reading
Want more ideas? Check out these books.
• "Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems" by Jerry Wyckoff and Barbara Unell
• "The Encouraging Parent: How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids and Start Teaching Them Confidence, Self-Discipline, and Joy" by Rod Wallace Kennedy
• "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids: Practical Ways to Create a Calm and Happy Home," by Naomi Drew
• "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• "Raising Your Spirited Child," by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Take a parenting class. New strategies and techniques give parents alternatives to yelling.
Identify when you yell. There's a good chance it's during a transition time, such as before school, after school, dinnertime or bedtime. These "are universal rough spots," Bort said. Create daily routines and find ways to make these times less rushed.
Know your triggers. Pick the thing that makes you most angry and work out a plan to stop that behavior. A hot one: Back talk. "If you want to see a mom flip her lid quickly, try back talk," Bort said. Show kids how to express an opinion respectfully with an appropriate tone of voice, she advises. Then make them practice it.
Practice calming techniques. Try deep breathing, putting things into perspective ("In 10 years, will this really matter?") or stepping outside.
Do a self-evaluation. Are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? (The shorthand is HALT.) If so, wait before you discipline children or risk your actions being more about your needs than theirs, advises Mollie Hughes, education director for the Break Through Parent Institute.
Ask if you're meeting your goal. If you want your child to stop yelling at you, is yelling back going to help, or make it worse?
Put yourself in their place. "It hurts when someone you love yells at you," said Murray Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory.
Stephanie Dunnewind, Seattle Times reporter
