For students

Be realistic. Anticipate some conflict, which is practically inevitable when two people share a small space. Don't expect your roommate to be your best friend or even want to hang out with you.

Utilize resources. Residential advisers and hall directors are trained in mediation and can help resolve issues. It's important for students to seek outside help if they suspect substance abuse or mental-health concerns such as eating disorders or depression.

Invest in good headphones. Preferably with an extra-long cord, students advise. Sleep masks help block light from a computer or TV.

Talk face to face. While it seems easier to address tough issues by instant message or e-mail, experts advise students to actually converse in real time. Without body language, messages can be misunderstood. And while IMing might be good for venting, it's harder for coming up with any real solutions.

Ignoring a problem doesn't work. "It will just grow in intensity until it becomes overwhelming," said Susan Fee, author of a book on college roommates.

Find easy compromises. For example: One roommate always has friends visiting until late. Instead of insisting on no friends over at all, try no friends after 9 p.m. except on Friday and Saturday nights. Or give up something that's not that important to you in exchange for a similar concession: If one roomie agrees to make her bed every day, the other won't play Britney Spears music.

Don't wait until you blow up. Try to address issues early on or when you're calm, so your approach is open and not confrontational. "Hey, this is an issue for me. Let's figure out what makes sense for both of us."

Start with your worst pet peeve. Focus on solving that first, rather than rattling off a list of everything you hate about the other person.

Don't blame. Point out your conflicting styles or explain how the problem is affecting you. "Instead of saying, 'You're wrong. What are you going to do about it?' you're saying, 'We're different. What can we do about it?' " note the authors of "Real College."

Pick the right time. Avoid stressful times such as right before a test or big paper or after a romantic breakup.

Join clubs and make friends. This takes pressure off the roommate relationship, gets you out of the room and helps keep things in perspective.

For parents

Don't solve their problems. Be a sounding board and offer suggestions. But don't step in unless a child's safety is at stake. "Help them become critical thinkers by imagining scenarios, brainstorming solutions and considering possible outcomes and consequences," advises author Fee. Ask, "How have you approached it so far?"

Teach conflict resolution skills. Avoidance is not, in fact, a positive tactic. Learning how to solve problems and deal with differences are life skills that will serve students later.

Let students fill out roommate questionnaires. As well as you think you know them, let them determine their preferences.

Encourage conversations. "If your son or daughter picks up the phone to complain, one of the first questions you should ask is 'Have you talked to your roommate about that?' " says Seattle University administrator Romando Nash. "They'll tell their parents a bunch of stuff but they won't tell their roommate about it — and that's where things get resolved."

Sources: "My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!: Solve Conflicts, Set Boundaries and Survive the College Roommate from Hell" by Susan Fee; "Real College: The Essential Guide to Student Life", by Douglas Stone and Elizabeth Tippett; residential-life administrators; and students.

— Stephanie Dunnewind