DEAR JAN: My husband and I face holding back our 5-year-old kindergartner or moving him on to first grade. Academically he is in the middle of his class of mostly 6-year-olds, but he is behind in maturity.
He is good at math — he even requests math quizzes — but when it comes to writing and reading homework, he proclaims daily, "This is really hard and makes me tired."
Socially he gravitates toward childish fun and independence rather than toward group-structured learning activities. If the right thing means holding him back, how do we go about it without hurting his spirit?
— Parents
DEAR PARENTS: In his class, your 5-year-old son is being measured against children months older.
Celebrate that he's doing well in math and loves math quizzes. Most experts in early-childhood education would not recommend formal math instruction and subsequent quizzes for 5-year-old kindergartners. Such formal academic instruction in not appropriate to the 5-year-old's age and development.
Your child is obviously advanced developmentally in math, since he is thriving in this curriculum in kindergarten.
With regards to writing and reading homework, let's go back to the fact that this is kindergarten, not first grade. It is not a surprise that your 5-year-old is balking at writing and reading homework. Listen to him, "This is really hard and makes me tired." He's articulate, he has excellent language skills, but he's not developmentally ready for the structure of formal reading and writing instruction.
This fact does not mean he's less intelligent with a low IQ. It just means that the kindergarten curriculum is designed for children with the maturity of 6-year-olds, not 5-year-olds.
The average age for children learning to read is 6-½. That means that some children learn at 5 and others at 8. Keep in mind that it's not particularly important when your son learns to read. What's more important is that once he does learn to read, he chooses to do so, enjoys it and comprehends what he reads.
Instead of pushing him to complete writing and reading assignments, read to your son. Doing so will serve him better in the long run. Go to the library with him; let him pick books he likes. He's not ready for formal reading instruction right now, but that doesn't mean he won't love reading, he just needs more time to develop. No teacher, no curriculum, no parent can push his developmental timeline.
The rigor of his reading and writing homework is working against him learning to love to read and eventually doing so for knowledge and entertainment. He's developing negative associations with the reading process.
It isn't a surprise that your social son gravitates toward childish fun and independence rather than group structure.
Kindergartners are little children who thrive intellectually when playing. He needs to be the child he is right now to eventually manage the structure of working successfully with his peers in a structured academic atmosphere.
My first inclination is to recommend holding him back. But talk to your child's teacher, the upcoming first-grade teacher and the school principal as you make a decision on what to do. However, don't be afraid to hold him back a year if he needs the gift of time. He may need another year of development to successfully manage the kindergarten curriculum he's expected to master. You might consider putting him in a different school that more appropriately serves his learning style and developmental level.
The likelihood is great that he will not be traumatized by repeating kindergarten, but instead he'll relax. If you're upbeat and positive, he will be, too.
Simply explain, "Some children go to kindergarten for one year, others two." You'll hear him offer your explanation to his peers.
When he's in junior high school, he'll probably thank you for holding him back. He'll then be able to see for himself that you made the right decision and in his best interest.
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111.
