When a young child is depleted nutritionally and exhausted, don't ask him to put away his toys. Just offer a nutritious snack and take him to a quiet spot so he can drift off to sleep. If you demand he tidy his toys, the scene will most likely turn ugly. Emotions will surface — tears, anger, frustration, irritation — ultimately serving no purpose.

In the same vein, don't push a tired and hungry school-age child to tidy her bedroom, finish her homework, or help with the dishes. She may turn hard to deal with. While parents expect pleasant responses from their children, it's important to realize that when pushed to do so under duress of fatigue, the likelihood is great that the child will only become surly, sassy and disrespectful.

When you sense your child speaking in this manner because of hunger and fatigue, escort him to the kitchen, fix a little snack and then lovingly tuck the child in bed.

Since children need to learn to put their toys away, tidy their bedrooms, finish their homework, help with the dishes and speak in a pleasant and thoughtful manner, parents need to think how they can restructure their child's days so that the child won't become too tired or too hungry to deal with.

When children are infants they are often fed on demand; parents are happy for them to sleep whenever drowsy. Eventually a schedule falls into place for the baby involving several feedings and naps. Parents hope that at some point the child will eat five small meals a day, move to one predictable afternoon nap and sleep through the night.

Toddlers' eating is sporadic, and because they're growing much more slowly than a baby they often eat less. This is the age of temper tantrums, which occur more easily when the child is hungry and sleepy. Toddlers usually welcome an afternoon nap and only become sleep deprived when they can't settle themselves to sleep. If they don't get enough rest they arise and then try to manage their day, which includes even more terrible moments simply because they haven't had adequate sleep to support their activity level.

Preschoolers usually settle into more stable eating patterns, thriving on five small meals a day, but trouble surfaces when they begin the transition of dropping their afternoon nap. Ultimately they then go to sleep earlier in the evening but the late afternoon and early evenings can be particularly trying as the child attempts to cope, and parents can easily lose patience.

School-age children need a heavy healthful snack after school. Children going through puberty have bodies that are growing and changing rapidly. Therefore they need nutritious food available when their bodies cry out for food, food and more food.

Although no parent can insist a child fall asleep, children need a predictable time when they're expected to be in their beds or at least in their bedrooms each night. Maybe they'll be reading or listening to quiet music, but they need the opportunity for their bodies to quiet themselves to sleep.

If your child is having behavior or learning difficulties in school, with friends or at home, look first to issues of sleep and nutrition. Keep in mind the importance of nurturing the love of sleep and providing nutritious food while understanding that control of both ultimately lies with the child.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists