With the start of school come two challenging and stressful daily transitions: getting kids out the door in the morning and then re-entering in the afternoon or early evening.
In the morning there's typically a beat-the-clock syndrome involved as parents and children fight to get to work and school on time. In some households there are tears and tantrums each day from either parent or child, or both, as parents prod and children resist doing what's necessary to make it out the door on time.
Everyone reconvening later in the day can sometimes be another stressful transition. Making it over the threshold and shifting into the evening schedule can involve a release of emotion and stress that builds up from managing the trials and tribulations of the day.
Therefore it's worthwhile to create a habit twice a day of de-stressing. Do so before family members disperse for their day and again when returning home. You might read a story to your child each morning, sing a song together or pretend you're a wet puppy and shake like crazy to release the stress that's building in your bodies.
You may simply breathe deeply while playing soothing music. None of these activities take very long — 3-5 minutes — but when you engage in any of these calming activities everyone leaves home with a feeling of well-being rather than one of stress.
It isn't unusual for children to turn clingy when they get back together with their parents at the end of the day, and at the same time parents returning from work need a little time to themselves. Such a push-pull between parents and children might routinely end up in turmoil.
To avoid the tears and family uproar when the family reconvenes, it's important for parents to immediately make themselves available to their children. Cross the threshold, put everything down, grab a simple snack from the refrigerator, put on some soothing music and sit down.
Depending on your parenting style and the age of your children, you might play, talk, cuddle, sing, dance, read or wrestle with them.
These de-stressing activities offer your children the positive attention they're seeking. That's what they need and want; it only takes 5-10 minutes. Once they're filled up from contact with mom or dad, then it's the parents' turn to read the mail and scan the newspaper for 15-20 minutes. Once relaxed, it's time to start a simple supper, often with the children involved.
A brief relaxation activity before school and work prepares you and your children emotionally and mentally for learning and being productive. A relaxing after-school and -work ritual releases the stress-filled episodes that children and parents experienced during the day.
By establishing a stress-reducing ritual before and after school, parents not only equip everyone with better mental and physical health, but children carry this habit with them when they no longer have mom or dad leading the activity.
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111.
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