Studies show that young children know the difference between sad and happy faces and notice the emotions communicated on people's faces.
It is important to know this because from a very young age children attempt to understand the world around them. They do so in a variety of ways; one is by trying to make sense of people's facial expressions, gestures and words.
One mother remembers her 3-year-old daughter asking, "Mom, why are your eyebrows puckered together?" The mother was knitting her eyebrows in thought and worry. The child noticed this subtle change in her mother's face and inquired about it.
The mom's response: "Oh, I'm just thinking." This 3-year-old was articulate enough to ask about this facial expression, but now it's clear that children far younger read emotions and the facial expressions that go along with them.
In a laboratory, researchers showed 9-month-old babies two video screens simultaneously. One had a person with a happy expression, the other a sad expression. Then researchers played an audiotape with either a happy- or sad-sounding voice.
Babies would turn their heads in the direction of the screen where the expression matched the voice.
When you're feeling sad and showing it with tears or red eyes, it is absurd to claim you're happy. Children can read your facial expressions and parents come across as inconsistent and confusing when what they say doesn't fit with what they feel.
The same goes when a parent feels distressed, disappointed or disgusted. If you're distressed because an older child hit a younger sibling, don't smile and in a sweet voice say, "Sweetheart, don't hit the baby." What you're saying doesn't fit with what you're feeling, and children know it. If you feel upset over this incident, mesh your tone of voice, facial expression and words and say sternly, with a scowl on your face, "Don't hit the baby!"
You don't need to rant and rave, but you do need to use all the communication tools — voice, face and body language — to let the older child know hitting the baby is not acceptable.
In other situations, if your child evokes emotions of pride, empathy or interest, make sure that you communicate you're proud of what he did, not only with words but with tone of voice and gesture.
By doing so, you're a better communicator and, therefore, a better parent.
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. Have special holiday concerns? E-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists
