Some dads wonder why their baby or toddler seems to like mommy best.

Some dads come right out and say, "My child just doesn't like me." This is not the case, but when children are between 8 and 24 months, it can seem that way.

When babies are around 8-months-old, they focus on one person for nurturance. It's usually the mother, because she is most often the child's primary caregiver. This is the period when separation anxiety is the highest. Children fear if mommy's not in eyeshot or earshot, she's fallen off the face to the Earth.

Mom is the most familiar caregiver. The distressed child in daddy's arms seeing mommy across the room will scream until mommy rescues him. It's easy to see daddy may get discouraged.

There are other dads who say, "Huh? That's not the case with my child. Yeah, if my child's really upset, she wants her mom, but for everything else my child accepts me just fine. And when my wife leaves the house, and I'm on my own, I can usually calm and care for baby with only a little protest."

Researchers discovered the difference between the two sets of dads depended on the number of diapers they changed. The more diapers the dad changed, the more attached the child was to him. The less diaper changes, the less likely the child would accept dad when needing consolation or care.

Now let's sort this research out a bit. It doesn't mean that there's something particularly magical with respect to diapering that solidifies the father-infant bond. Although what diapering does provide is an interactive time between child and diaperer to get well-acquainted. The child sees the person's face, hears their voice, smells their smell and feels their touch. It's an intimate social time that familiarizes the child with the person conducting the task and builds trust. It's definitely a "getting to know you" time.

For the researchers, diapering was an easy activity to count. But the relationship bond was not about diapering alone. The fact that a father changes a baby's diapers is probably not the crucial variable in forming a strong attachment between the baby and his father, according to Helen Bee in her book "The Developing Child" (Allyn & Bacon, 2000). Diaper changing may signify a greater involvement by a father with his infant, and that greater involvement may be linked to the baby's stronger attachment. If a dad does lots of diaper changes, he's likely doing other things to care for the baby. The child then feels safe with him and will approach him for all sorts of needs.

Dads have always often been seen themselves as pals to their children, just loving that rough and tumble play. And they've always been the family's protector, in charge of safety and security. Dads today realize that their involvement is not just something you do because it helps out Mom, or it's fun or it's the "in" thing.

Dads see being involved as their responsibility and because their children are more secure and are more likely to reach their potential when they know dad really cares. How will your son learn to be a man if he doesn't learn it from you? How will your daughter learn about relationships with men, if she doesn't have a good relationship with you first?

To get this relationship off to a good start, diaper your infant and do everything else that goes along with infant care.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111.