If you're the parent of a newborn, your first job is to support your baby's life outside the womb. You'll manage yourself and your baby best by accepting your role as being on call 24-7.

You'll feed your baby on demand; you'll comfort her when distressed and settle her to sleep. Your newborn may sleep best when lying on your chest, shoulder or next to you. The crib or bassinet that you carefully readied may sit empty most of the time.

Since your baby can't talk, he communicates with cries, movements and facial expressions. When you determine what your baby needs — feeding, sleeping or comforting — by all means, indulge him. By meeting his every need, you won't be spoiling him. You'll be bringing him and you pleasure, and teaching him trust.

What does trust mean to an infant? That someone is there on a predictable basis to care for him. When your baby knows this, he relaxes. He's not worried, he knows he'll survive because you're available. An infant without an attentive parent is stressed, which works against his brain and body developing optimally.

Therefore, when your baby cries, pick him up. Then, prepare yourself for a well-meaning relative who offers unsolicited advice by saying, "Your baby is crying because he wants you to pick him up. If you do, you're spoiling him." Actually, the opposite is true. By picking up the baby, he'll soon cry less. There's no need to ration your attention. It's the infant who isn't attended to who cries more, louder and longer.

He is not crying to make you pick him up. He's crying because you put him down in the first place. Rather than spoiling him you're helping him to feel secure from the loss of security from being in your womb.

Soon your infant will graduate to short periods of contentment without you. The day will come when you walk into the nursery and your baby will be watching the mobile overhead. No need to interrupt him.

The next day, when he's quiet, alert and content, put him on his tummy on the floor. See what he does. The pattern on his blanket might catch his eye. Resist interrupting him by jiggling a rattle. He can't yet focus on two items simultaneously, so sit for a minute; just watch him or glance at a magazine.

Only a month ago you thought your child would be tattooed to your arm forever, yet there he is today occupying himself. He's not bored, he's well stimulated. He'll let you know when he needs food, socializing or a cuddle.

See, all that holding, rocking and feeding didn't spoil him. After only a month he can track objects and lift his head enough to gaze at the strong contrasts of the black and white checkerboard pattern on his blanket.

Then one day, after nursing your baby to sleep, you put him in his crib. When you put him down, he whimpers but doesn't shift into a full cry. You may ask yourself, "Should I offer reassurance by picking him up or should I offer him the opportunity to learn to settle himself to sleep?" It's your call. Responding immediately to milder cries may reinforce crying. Either reassurance or reinforcement could be at play. Only you can decide which. You're a sensitive parent, you can sort it out. The best parenting rule of thumb is to pick up the baby when his whimpers turn into wails.

So far you've not raised a spoiled child, you're on the road to raising one who feels loved because his parents are responsive, predictable and determine his needs even though he can't talk.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists