Shopping malls, restaurants and hourlong religious services are, in most cases, inappropriate environments for young children. You see it frequently — a mom or dad trying to shop and their toddler or preschool-aged child running around playing hide-and-seek inside the round racks loaded with clothes.

Young children's programming tells them to touch, run, climb, jump and bounce. None of these actions are appropriate in malls. Toddlers' and preschoolers' favorite games are chase and peek-a-boo. At home and in parks, this is great fun; when shopping, it's a "no-no." Unfortunately, children don't know the difference between the two locations.

When shopping, a parent might get distracted and all of the sudden find the child is gone. Now Mom is panicked as she searches frantically for her child. Once the hysterical mother locates her child, the scolding begins: "You know you're not supposed to wander out of my sight. What's wrong with you, anyway?"

This isn't the child's fault. The child is too young to be responsible for his whereabouts and behavior; the parent should be reprimanded.

So what's the solution? Do what one mother does — she takes her toddler and preschooler to the shopping mall for two errands only. She doesn't browse and try on clothes; she goes with two specific tasks in mind, possibly buying towels and a gift for Grandma.

Her stroller holds both children, she brings snacks and, as she strolls around, she talks and points out things to see. She skillfully involves her children in the tasks at hand. After completing both errands, she heads for home.

Occasionally, she'll make the mistake of attempting one more stop. Whenever she does so, it usually ends in disaster. One child might climb out of the stroller while the other whines for candy; other shoppers raise their eyebrows and shake their heads.

Gradually, as her children get older and their self-control improves, she'll extend her time at the mall, but for now an hour is all she can manage gracefully.

Most young children don't do well when it comes to dining in restaurants, either. Think about how long your youngster sits to eat at home. It's most likely 15 minutes at most. Can you get in and out of a restaurant in this amount of time? If you can't, you'd better develop a plan to accommodate your child.

Take crayons or a sticker book, and go to restaurants that cater to children, with lots of interesting things to catch their eyes. It's simply unrealistic for your young child to sit quietly while you enjoy your meal. And it's not fair to the other patrons who must listen to your unhappy child.

If religion is part of your family's value system, you'll want to begin instilling those values at a young age. But sitting quietly through an entire service is an unrealistic expectation for young children. Children's bodies and mouths are made to move. Learning to control these is a gradual process that takes hold at about 5 years old.

If you do take your child into the service, haul along books, bottles and quiet toys for entertainment. But what will you get out of the service if you're amusing your child the entire time?

Most religious organizations provide nurseries. In the nursery, your child's developmental needs are catered to much more appropriately than in the sanctuary. As cute as your child might be, no one who comes to worship wants to be disturbed by your noisy child.

No matter how well a parent plans, children sometimes get out of control in public places. Rather than glaring at the parent and child in irritation, consider offering assistance and understanding to the embarrassed or frustrated parent.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists