Dear Jan: My 13-year-old son loves theater. He's spent the past few summers at drama camp and is consistently cast in school plays. We live in a very sports-driven school district, where most of the boys wrestle, play football or rugby. My son casually mentioned that some kids tease him for being into theater and even call him gay.
My husband and I don't know whether to discourage his interest in acting or support it. Should we contact his school to stop the teasing?
Dear Mom: There are several steps to facing this situation. First of all, ask your son for more specifics regarding the teasing. Have him describe the incidents. How often is it occurring? Is he afraid? This will help determine how involved you need to become.
He needs to know that you're on his side. He also needs to know that you approve of and support his interest in theater and acting. He might be a little embarrassed if you gush over his accomplishments, but your apparent pride and love for him will win out. Offer your compliments in private; applaud him in public along with the audience, but don't whoop and holler. Doing so truly would embarrass him.
Second, rehearse with him some quick retorts to the teasing. When the banter begins, your son needs to face the teasers while saying, "When your football career ends, I'll still be acting." Or, "The world is a stage. I play the part of an actor; you play the part of an athlete." Such responses delivered with confidence and a touch of humor often stop mean-spirited teasing.
Adult supervision also is a deterrent to the problem. To ward off the aggressive verbal antics of these adolescents, encourage your son as much as possible to stay in the vicinity of a trusted teacher. Be sure to let your son know that you're willing to discuss the issue with the principal, particularly if it isn't teasing that he's facing but harassment. In Washington state, harassment is against the law; therefore these boys would need their actions thwarted.
Third, theater is a wonderful venue for education. Young actors develop presentation skills while learning to work — cooperatively rather than competitively — with their co-actors for the sake of the production. An actor explores the identity of his character, and then himself.
Students also develop an appreciation of literature. When involved in a production, kids rub shoulders with a wide variety of peers, learn about other people's emotions and their own, and watch or engage in mini-dramas behind stage.
An actor must get outside of himself as he becomes someone else on stage. He explores different experiences and attitudes. Actors don't simply recite lines; they must learn to think on their feet, problem-solve through unforeseen theatrical mishaps and be an innovator for the sake of the production.
Your son will lose any fear of speaking in front of an audience. Plus, he'll learn firsthand the importance of practice and preparation.
If you're worried that your son isn't athletic, it's time to recognize the physical aspects of acting. Often it involves dancing, pretend fencing, fighting and flying. Actors learn about taking risks with safety in mind.
Acting is a multifaceted educational experience. Once you're convinced of its benefits, you can communicate your approval with enthusiasm to your talented son.
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists
