Parents of newborns need copious amounts of patience as their infant adjusts from the womb to the world.

Before birth, all of your child's needs were perfectly attended to; now he seeks you out to provide food, interaction and comfort. He can't survive without you. At first it's a guessing game, and then as you begin to know your baby's cries, expressions and movements, you'll know just how to respond. A patient approach will guide you. When you're rested and fed, patience comes more easily. That's why it's important during the first month of your baby's life to have at least one adult who will look after you. That person could be your spouse, partner, mother, grandmother, sister, neighbor or friend. This person will bring you food, hold the baby while you sleep and offer a helping hand with dishes, laundry and grocery shopping.

Being rushed and stressed contributes to impatience. When baby arrives, you'll do best by her and yourself if you slow down. If you're stressed, your baby will be, too.

You'll also develop patience more easily if you're well-informed. Read about how children develop. If you have realistic expectations for your child's behavior and learning abilities, you won't pressure him to behave or learn beyond what's reasonable for his developmental age. Knowledge equates to understanding, which equates to proceeding patiently through the challenges of parenting.

Being a patient parent, however, doesn't mean being indulgent. If your goal is to have your baby sleeping through the night independently by age 6 months, you can reach that goal by using a patient, yet determined approach.

If your toddler resists getting in a car seat, you're going to draw on your patience and persistence to get her in it safely. If your preschooler refuses with tears and tantrums to put toys away, you can patiently affirm, "You can cry all you like, and I'll be right here with you. When you're done crying, then you'll need to put your blocks on the shelf where they belong."

Another avenue for developing patience is to join a parent-support group where you can share the joys and frustrations of parenting. If there's a pediatric nurse or parent educator to lead the group and offer insights and sound advice, all the better. Your support group need not be a gripe session but more an exchange of ideas and information to give you strength to be the patient parent you want to be.

When you sense that you're about to lose your patience, then it's time to breathe deeply as you move toward your child, touch her gently and just let the tense moment pass. Ask yourself, what does my child need? What do I need? How can we move through this situation with grace and dignity rather than with hysteria making the situation worse?

If you find yourself losing patience over and over in the same situation, then it might be time to talk to a professional, someone who understands children and will offer you options.

Patience in parenting requires time and a thoughtful approach. All children deserve patience as they learn, develop and work toward managing themselves in the time frame that is uniquely theirs.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists