Q: My girls (3-year-old twins) are starting to ask questions about people we see holding signs at freeway on-ramps. I am unsure how to answer their questions.

I tell them the person is asking for a job, food or money, and that there are ways to help less fortunate people other than to hand them a dollar. I cite examples of our giving, but they want to know why I am not helping that person holding the sign right now, and I am not sure how to answer.

A: Most parents try to teach their children humanistic values, such as being kind and generous, especially to those less fortunate. When parents and their children encounter our city's many panhandlers, the child naturally wants to do something to help. Every parent feels differently about what the appropriate response should be.

Explain to your girls in as simple terms as possible why you do not give to the person standing on the freeway on-ramp. They won't totally grasp your reasoning, and they may even feel you're being unkind, but over time they'll come to understand your approach to philanthropy.

When you approach a panhandler, as an adult you know that giving a quarter or dollar is not solving the problems of homelessness and poverty.

So if you would rather not give immediately, be sure to tell your children what you do for less fortunate people instead of giving them money as you pass them on the street. If your approach is to give to social-service agencies or homeless shelters, be sure to explain why you think that works better. Many situations in life are complicated and confusing for children to grasp. It will be years before your children will fully understand your approach to philanthropy. There are many ways to show kindness and generosity to the less fortunate. You certainly do so with some of your tax dollars. As your children get older, you should explain how much or what percentage of your income goes to taxes, and how much of that the government spends on programs for the homeless and hungry.

If you write a check every month or year to an agency that provides services to people so they won't be forced to panhandle, let your children see you write that check and then take them to the agency so they can witness how your contributions help.

If you volunteer your time at a shelter or soup kitchen once a week, month or year, bring your children along to help. There's no better way to instill your values than to demonstrate them to your children and underline their importance with a simple, clear explanation: "Come with me. I'm taking this casserole to a shelter. In our family, we don't give panhandlers money. Instead we give food and money to a shelter; homeless people can eat there for free."

When you see a homeless person begging for money, you can, with compassion, mention a soup kitchen or shelter in the neighborhood. Doing so will relieve your guilt and demonstrate a viable alternative for helping the less fortunate.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists