When your child misbehaves, rather than instantly reprimanding her or taking disciplinary action, ask yourself, "What purpose is this inappropriate behavior serving?"

Your child, because she's a child, can't evaluate her own needs and then consistently satisfy them positively. She needs you to help her. Here are five areas to consider:

Physical well being. Children have the need for food, sleep, health and warmth. So when your child is cranky, which might be exhibited in whiny annoying behavior, ask yourself, "Has he or she had enough to eat and adequate rest?" If the answer is no, feed him and put him to bed.

Also ask, is my child ill? If that's the case, give her some slack because no one behaves as expected when not feeling well. Notice, too, if the child is too hot or cold. Either situation can cause a child's behavior to deteriorate. Quite often seeing that a child is fed, warm, well and not fatigued results instantly in improved behavior.

Love. Every person needs to feel affection. Parents communicate love to their children through attention. Children need attention, in fact, they need it so much that if they can't receive it in positive ways, negative attention will do.

You've seen children misbehave in order for mom and dad to pay attention. If this is a repetitive pattern with your child, you'll need to work hard to stop the negative behavior and then offer the child the attention she seeks in a positive way.

Children also need to feel loved when they belong, first to the family and then to a play group, neighborhood or school environment. Again, if a child can't acquire the feeling of belonging positively, he'll seek to belong negatively. You remember the class clown or troublemaker. These are kids who carved out their place in the classroom by behaving inappropriately.

Power. Children feel powerful when they can use and exhibit newly acquired skills. Children are dependent on parents. Then slowly they learn to manage their lives on their own. Whether learning to cook, manage money or drive a car, children seek gradually to grasp the reins of their own life.

When a child is perpetually misbehaving, ask yourself, "What grown-up responsibility can I offer my child? Can he water the plants? Can he frost the cake? Can he use a debit card? You'll be amazed how a child's immature antics will improve once given a grown-up responsibility that showcases a newfound competency.

Freedom. Children have the need to make choices and decisions, which for them equates to freedom. If a child is pushing for more control, offer it in ways that are safe and appropriate to the child's age and skill level.

Toddlers yearn to explore safely. Preschoolers need liberty to choose between wearing the Spiderman or the Batman shirt and building with blocks or Legos. School-age kids seek to determine their extra-curricular activities and how to spend their allowance. Teens push for adult independence, which includes exploring plans for their future.

While total freedom is impossible, offering it in bits and pieces helps a child feel powerful and in control. Doing so will circumvent the child's need to seek independence in dangerous ways.

Play. Some think of play as nothing but a frivolous pastime separate from learning. The truth is that when children are playing and having fun, they are satisfying their curiosity and mastering skills.

Do what you can to support positive and productive play activities. If kids don't have the opportunity to have fun in positive ways, they'll seek fun that is mean-spirited, as bullies do, and counter-productive, such as destroying or defacing property.

You serve your child well by supporting his or her drive to satisfy these basic needs in positive ways. In time, the child will automatically know how to satisfy them appropriately when away from you and on her own.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111.

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