It's common to see babies and toddlers sucking on a pacifier or dragging a blanket (thanks to Linus) across the floor.

Other children suck a finger or thumb instead of a pacifier. Some children don't use any of these calming devices but depend instead on a parent's touch to quiet them. Although appropriate and loving, these parents sometimes wish for a "lovie" substitute. You might ask, why did the child become attached to the object in the first place, and at what age does it become inappropriate?

Babies arrive ready to suck. They suck to receive nutrients in a calm and loving manner. When the tummy is full and the child requires calming, the pacifier becomes the obvious substitute. Quickly, a habit and an attachment to the device form.

For fear of suffocation, it's not recommended that infants take blankets to bed. As babies turn into toddlers, however, and then use blankets, an attachment to a special one commonly occurs. Let's say you hold your toddler along with his soft silky-edged blanket as you rock him before putting him to bed. The blanket then holds your smell, which provides comfort in the middle of the night or at day-care.

The bottom line for children: It feels good to suck on a pacifier or to rub soft material across one's cheek, and that good feeling has a stress-reducing effect. Of course, that sparks another question: Why does a young child need a stress-reducer?

Stress occurs when going from place to place or from the arms of one caregiver to the next. There are also environmental stimulations from the TV, telephone and talking, creating annoyance, cries or crankiness. The quick calming fix for baby is the pacifier, which plugs the mouth and thereby calms the child with the sucking action. For the toddler, the blanket does the trick. Either of these devices combined with rocking and singing in Mom or Dad's arms works magically to sooth most young children.

At some point in your child's life, the appropriateness of a blanket or pacifiers obviously will diminish. You'll know it if your child is learning to talk and trying to do so around a pacifier. When the blanket becomes an unnecessary burden at preschool, in a grocery store or when tricycle-riding, then it's time to make the rule: "Blankie stays on your bed."

If it's thumb- or finger-sucking that needs managing, parents can establish this rule: "If you need to suck your thumb, you can do so in your bedroom." If the child resorts to thumb-sucking when traveling in the car, ignore it or distract the child with singing, story-telling or counting games. When a child gives up the calming device for good, it's important to realize that stress doesn't disappear along with the device. Therefore, you'll need to help your child substitute the calming devices used in early childhood for ones more appropriate as the child grows and matures.

Playing with water at the sink, dough at the kitchen table or sand in the sandbox all reduce stress for preschool-age children. Acknowledging feelings and talking about them, getting exercise, listening to music and dancing work for everyone.

Lastly, watch your stress-reducing activities. Your children are watching and are likely to copy your positive as well as negative ways for eliminating stress.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More at www.seattletimes.com/columnists