In the deluge e-mail I receive each day promoting the benefits of human growth hormone, I detect three main threads:

One claims that taking human growth hormone, or HGH, will help me not only lose weight, build muscle tone, reverse aging and increase libido, but also build healthier bones, improve memory and skin, prompt new hair growth and make wrinkles disappear. Another, which starts its pitch with "As seen on NBC, CBS, CNN, and even Oprah!" (how's that for legitimacy?), declares that I can forget aging and dieting forever, and says this "proven discovery has even been reported on by the New England Journal of Medicine." The third cleverly assumes I already buy into its effectiveness, arguing that an oral HGH spray is more effective than other products.

All this must sound promising to a lot of folks — that is, they must be buying the stuff — or e-mail marketers would have quickly latched onto something else.

Dr. George Merriam escapes the bulk of such e-mail by not sprinkling his address about the Internet (as I do). But he gets some, nonetheless, usually forwarded by friends and colleagues who know of his work related to hormones.

"To my mind, there are two causes of concern," says Merriam, a professor of medicine at the University of Washington School of Medicine and physician at the VA Puget Sound Health Care System.

Those are, in short:

1) The products haven't been shown to work as advertised, and

2) Much of what is sold isn't human growth hormone.

Created in our pituitary glands, growth hormone has been prescribed for years to help children with growth-hormone deficiency. Starting in the late 1980s, when a synthetic form became more readily available, interest expanded to its use by adults. At first it was given to the relatively few (about 20 percent of patients) who had GH treatment in childhood and are still GH deficient as adults or to those who acquire actual growth-hormone deficiency (about 80 percent), usually as a result of pituitary problems, surgery or traumatic injury. They often feel weak and have high cholesterol and body-fat percentage. Growth-hormone treatment tends to reverse those changes.

Some people wondered whether such benefits could also apply to older normal adults, whose natural levels of growth hormone peak in the mid-20s and gradually taper off. In a study of 21 men age 61 to 81 published in 1990 in, yes, the New England Journal of Medicine, researcher Dr. Daniel Rudman wrote, "The effects of 6 months of GH on lean body mass and fat were equivalent in magnitude to the changes incurred during 10 to 20 years of aging."

That sentence apparently has been tapped as if it were a fountain of youth.

It's true, as some ads say, that there have been more than 1,000 studies of growth-hormone use in adults. But those were adults with growth-hormone deficiency, not ones with the natural decline in growth hormone.

"The literature on growth hormone for normal adults is very slim," says Merriam. He co-authored a study that did measure some effects on physical test scores in subjects given growth hormone-releasing hormone injections (which boost GH secretion), but the changes were so slight subjects couldn't detect them. There's little data showing that GH therapy translates into daily, functional changes. The one factor in Merriam's study that did improve functional scores? Exercise.

(A helpful overview of the subject can be found in another paper co-authored by Merriam, available at myhealthspan.com)

True growth hormone is a prescription medication and is administered by injection, Merriam says. A lot of what's sold is a mixture of amino acids that might stimulate the pituitary gland to make more growth hormone. "Those have some effect when given intravenously to children and young people," he says. "They don't work in middle-aged to older people when given orally — that's totally unsubstantiated." Some products deliver HGH in miniscule amounts. "Whether it's a meaningful amount, we don't know. The only source of data is from those who are trying to sell them."

Growth-hormone therapy is known to cause some side effects, such as fluid retention and, in some people, resulting carpal-tunnel syndrome. Merriam thinks most of what's sold over the counter isn't dangerous or harmful — "except to your bank account."

Indeed. I called one number for the oral-spray form (whose makers claim it is true HGH) and learned an initial four-month supply is $325, and about $60 a month after that.

Sales are likely to remain brisk, although the ad campaign might mutate as needed to keep human growth hormone enticing. Even, perhaps:

"As seen in Pacific Northwest magazine!"

Chocolate protein

Two recent finds for getting some added nutritional benefit while indulging a chocolate tooth:

• Chocolate Fantasy, the protein-enriched frozen bar from Seattle company Cold Fusion, tastes more akin to frozen chocolate mousse than a Fudgsicle. It has 11 grams of protein per 3.5-ounce, 150-calorie bar (also 2.5 grams fat and 23 grams carbohydrate). $1.89 at supermarkets and health-food stores; to find one near you or place a mail order, call 800-447-9998 or go to www.coldfusionfoods.com.

• Balance's Chocolate Mint bar is like a mint truffle with antioxidants (beta-carotene and vitamins C and E). Each 1.76-ounce bar has 14 grams of protein, 6 grams fat and 23 grams carbohydrate. 89 cents at Trader Joe's.

Cool water in bottles

Ice Tubes makes ice cubes 3/4 of an inch in diameter and 3 1/4 inches long, which allows them to fit through the mouths of most water bottles. One tray makes 27 tubes; two trays are $12.99 via www.ImprovementsCatalog.com or 800-642-2112 (item no. 215241).

Molly Martin is assistant editor of Pacific Northwest magazine. She can be reached at 206-464-8243, mmartin@seattletimes.com or P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111.