"BURN FAT!"

"SPEED UP YOUR METABOLISM!"

"ADD ENERGY!"

"CALL NOW!"

The wave of nutrition and fitness gimmicks rolls on. There's always some new product, some just-patented supplement, or some old device or supplement that's ripe for revival.

What's surprising is how normally intelligent, thoughtful human beings set aside any semblance of critical thinking and plunge headlong into something we know probably won't work.

If we could demystify, or at least dissect, some of the ads promoting these products, perhaps we could save a little time, money - and energy.

Ronda Gates is a health-promotion educator and motivational speaker though her Oregon company, Lifestyles (800-863-6000; http://www.rondagates.com/(tilde)rgates). A former pharmacist, she has developed nutritional software, co-written a book ("Smart Eating") with Covert Bailey, developed manuals for new products - and along the way tracked the promotional tricks of the diet and exercise industry.

"People are just so gullible," says Gates. "I tell them, `You really do have to look at where all this stuff comes from.' "

Though Gates has specific nits to pick according to the medium (print, infomercial, direct mail, e-mail), some general guidelines apply. Such as being aware of the basic structure of promotional ads.

"There are always a lot of introductory offers," Gates says. "There are always unrealistic body types, toll-free numbers, money-back guarantees, a call to action (`Call now!'), and almost always a reduction in price if you buy more."

What's not in that list? An address. That's a red flag for a possible scam, Gates says. "The way these companies get nailed by government is through the postal service." If a company can get you to phone in your credit-card number, it's bypassing the long arm of postal regulators.

In print ads, don't be swayed by color: Neon, reverses (white type on black background), banners and starbursts all are manipulated to attract attention.

Regarding infomercials, "People need to be aware that an infomercial mark-up is always four to five times the mark-up of the item," Gates says. An infomercial she tried to put together for a heart-rate monitor never got off the ground because they couldn't find a monitor that cost so little it could handle that mark-up.

Oddly, we also believe in products featured on television. Why would "As Seen On TV!" make a product more credible?

One recent direct-mail tactic also may appear to be more official: information on audiotape, easy to pop into a car tape player. But Gates says it costs about the same to mass-produce a simple cassette tape as put together a quality print mailing.

E-mail promotions may be only beginning. Gates suspects that any time we post a message in a newsgroup or forum, our addresses are picked up by marketing groups or even individuals who sell mailing lists. Some companies selling by e-mail aren't reachable even by return e-mail, instead asking buyers to print out the order form and fax a credit-card number.

In all gimmick promotions, Gates says, watch for meaningless or misleading lingo:

"Extra energy" often means "extra carbohydrates" - in other words, calories. "Natural" is not the same as "safe." A "blend of herbal extracts" is not necessarily harmless. "Qualified scientists" means nothing unless we know more specifics. A "doctor" is not always an M.D. "Research" might not have been done well, conducted by a disinterested party or verified by other studies.

"There aren't really `fat burners,' " Gates says. "If you exercise, you will burn excess body fat. There's a change in metabolism if muscle mass increases, but you don't `boost metabolism' when you take a pill.

"Basically people don't realize it's calories in, calories out. It really doesn't matter what else you do, unless there are endocrinological problems" (as in some health conditions).

The one word we should pay more attention to, Gates says, is "plan." Companies don't sell pills, they sell "plans." That's gimmick-ad code for "diet and exercise."

Even Gates has a plan.

"Take two of my pills with a glass of water every day after 40 minutes of exercise. They're guaranteed that you'll lose 2 pounds of fat a week."

What are her pills?

Nothing more than M&Ms.

Molly Martin is assistant editor of Pacific Magazine.

-------- Notebook --------

A male edge?

Women frustrated that men can lose fat more easily now have a possible explanation: Dutch researchers found that testosterone suppresses levels of leptin, a male hormone strongly linked to body fat. Women given testosterone before undergoing sex-change operations saw their leptin levels drop significantly. The change was much less noticeable in men getting sex-change operations who were given the female hormone estrogen plus testosterone-suppressing drugs.

The Top 10

The 10 most popular sports in the United States, according to the Sporting Goods Manufacturers Association (ages 6 and older, participated at least once in 1996; number of participants in thousands):

1. Bowling, 52,179.

2. Freshwater fishing (other than fly fishing), 45,903.

3. Basketball, 45,557.

4. Billiards, 44,530.

5. Free weights, 42,817.

6. Tent camping, 38,023.

7. Stationary cycling, 35,049.

8. Treadmill, 32,856.

9. Fitness walking, 32,516.

10. Running/jogging 31,525.

Interfitness

To select lettuce, scratch the stalk and sniff. A sweet smell indicates a sweet flavor, a bitter smell a bitter flavor. That's one of the tips at The Produce OASIS, a Web site devoted to selecting, preparing and using more than 240 fresh fruits, vegetables and herbs. Go to http://www.produceoasis.com/

Send comments to On Fitness, Pacific Magazine, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111 or e-mail mmar-new@seatimes.com