It's a renovator's holiday refrain: 'The Twelve Days of Home Building'

It has been said in jest, but with a hint of seriousness, that during any home-improvement project you should double the money and triple the time originally planned.

In light of this, I present the "Twelve Days of Home Building."

On the first day of building, the builder promised me: A job done for only 40 G's.

On the second day of building, the plumber said to me: Two leaking pipes and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the third day of building, the framer gave to me: Three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the fourth day of building, the city brought to me: Four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the fifth day of building, the roofer swore at me: Five fingers smashed! Four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job for only 40 G's.

On the sixth day of building, the HVAC guy gave me: Six rusted heat ducts, five fingers smashed, four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the seventh day of building, my kids all ran from me: Seven windows broken, six rusted heat ducts, five fingers smashed, four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the eighth day of building, the dry-waller said to me: Eight weeks till I'm startin', seven windows broken, six rusted heat ducts, five fingers smashed, four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the ninth day of building, the electrician said to me: Nine circuits arcing, eight weeks till I'm startin', seven windows broken, six rusted heat ducts, five fingers smashed, four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the tenth day of building, Jeff Renner said to me: Ten days of rainin', nine circuits arcing, eight weeks till I'm startin', seven windows broken, six rusted heat ducts, five fingers smashed, four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job for only 40 G's.

On the eleventh day of building, the trim guy yelled at me: Eleven doors are warping, ten days of rainin', nine circuits arcing, eight weeks till I'm startin', seven windows broken, six rusted heat ducts, five fingers smashed, four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's.

On the twelfth day of building, the landscaper said to me: Twelve trees are dying, eleven doors are warping, ten days of rainin', nine circuits arcing, eight weeks till I'm startin', seven windows broken, six rusted heat ducts, five fingers smashed, four stop-work orders, three hefty liens, two leaking pipes, and a job done for only 40 G's!

Darrell Hay's "Ask the Expert" column appears elsewhere in this section each Sunday.