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My son keeps harming himself - what can I do?
I am very worried about my eleven-year-old son. He keeps trying to harm himself and threatens to commit suicide.
Do you know why he keeps doing this and what can I do to help him?
says...
Your son's behaviour is definitely not normal and must be causing you immense worry. However, with the right help now he should come through this so don't panic - however it may help if I tell you what is known about such behaviour.
His behaviour could be described as parasuicidal - children with this often act impulsively, either by self-poisoning or self-injury (such as wrist slashing or self mutilation) and may threaten suicide. Your son may find it is a means of escaping from stress, but may not necessarily want to end his life.
He may feel intense anger against himself or towards other people. He may want to make them feel guilty or may just need to let anyone or everyone know how distressed he feels. He may be suffering with genuine depression.
In at least a third of cases the child states family problems as the reason, another third state love or relationship problems. Another increasingly recognised factor is bullying, either at home or in school.
It is rare for adolescents to succeed in killing themselves and suicide under the age of twelve hardly exists. However, ten per cent of boys who attempt suicide eventually do kill themselves. Any child's cries for help should never be ignored.
You say that your son is only showing his parasuicidal behaviour at school - it is hard to know whether this is because his problems are mainly at school or because he is protecting you from his feelings at home. The change of his father leaving home may have a lot or very little to do with your son's behaviour.
Of course you have to discuss what is going on with everyone involved - your son himself as well as his father and his school. However it is often less important to look for reasons at this stage and much more helpful to tell your son that you love him and that you are going to help him through this.
The first person to see, as you quite rightly suggest, is your family GP, either with your son or on your own, as soon as possible - this means tomorrow if you have not already been. Your son's problem may eventually be helped with counselling but to start with he needs to be fully assessed by the local child psychiatrist or child and family therapy team. Your GP will be able to arrange this as quickly as is necessary.
Because of the impact his behaviour has had on you and the rest of his family it is important that - as far as possible, his assessment and treatment involves - meeting your son with you and his father. His school should probably be involved too but let the family therapy team discuss this with you first.
It may take up to a year before your son feels back to normal, but the sooner you seek help the better his chances of making a full recovery.
