What Counts? Common Ground, CA - 60%: People who report feelings of irritability and anger due to stress (many also feel fatigue, sleeplessness and depression). ...
The trauma of Terror! Times of India, India - The trauma that we have experienced has left us shaken, filled with a feeling of emptiness and anger. Our trust broken, our safety in doubt and chaos ...
How to save Mumbai? India Inc suggests Moneycontrol.com, India - Manish Kejriwal, Senior MD, Temasek India: In all the negatives I want to stress on, in every attack we have had individual stories of heroism. ...
Growing anxiety over NJ affordable housing rules The Star-Ledger - NJ.com, NJ - They now stress they want to build "working class" housing for people earning $60000 or $70000 annually -- police officers, firefighters, teachers, ...
Exercise, eat healthy to reduce holiday stress Tucson Citizen, AZ - Nov 28, 2008 Pay attention to signs of "HALT" (Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and tiredness), and use them as red flags telling you to take a time out and restore your ...
Calming influence The National, United Arab Emirates - Nov 30, 2008 In her workshops, she tries to look at the areas of people?s lives where they can ?create positivity? instead of indulging negative emotions such as anger. ...
Finding help Albany Democrat Herald, OR - 41 minutes ago Three-series focusing on drug and alcohol addiction, anger management and parenting skills. Recognized by the state probation department. ...
India?s 9/11 to Cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder MedIndia, India - There is a lot of anger doing the rounds-against politicians, the terrorists, our neighbors and the system. A tragedy like this also provokes other emotions ...
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Recent News and Articles on the Keywords: stress + 0.19 + people Related to the article below (Last Update: 8/5/2008)
Telling banks all about you The Age, Australia - Jul 19, 2008 Bad debts account for 0.31% of total lending, up from 0.19% in December. - The only other western countries to use a negative credit reporting system like ...
Essential role for Nix in autophagic maturation of erythroid cells Nature.com (subscription), UK - Jul 17, 2008 The loading and unloading of oxygen by haemoglobin can induce oxidant stress in RBCs 15 . The mitochondrion is a major site for the production of reactive ...
Gardasil -- doctor's story is 'no side-effects' renewamerica.us, DC - Jul 10, 2008 To me, it seems that finally the media might and I stress might, be taking these reports more seriously. Or it could be the fact that this has finally ...
Investors bid up banks despite rise in bad debts Sydney Morning Herald, Australia - Jul 17, 2008 A snapshot of the bad debts creeping on to bank balance sheets showed the percentage of impaired assets to total assets had climbed from 0.19 per cent to ...
Stocks End Higher on Economic News istockAnalyst.com, OR - Jul 28, 2008 On Friday, the Dow Jones industrial average closed 21.41 points, or 0.19%, higher at 11370.69. The broader S&P 500 gained 5.22 points, or 0.42%, ...
Delhi Metro planning multi-level parking systems Economic Times, India - Jul 9, 2008 The blue-chip Dow Jones Industrial Average rose 21.82 points (0.19 percent) to 11406.03 during opening market activity. The technology-dominated Nasdaq ...
Windham County center of state's growth Norwich Bulletin, CT - Jul 10, 2008 ?Just pick an issue, from infrastructure to police to roads, and we see the stress associated with growth,? Filchak said. ?Some towns right now are just ...
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Influence of Life Stress on Depression: Moderation by a Polymorphism in the 5-HTT Gene - A Caspi, K Sugden, TE Moffitt, A Taylor, IW Craig, … - Science, 2003 - sciencemag.org ... a stressful event is elevated among people who are ... 0.14, SE = 0.11, z = 1.33, P = 0.19), the main ... The interaction showed that childhood stress predicted adult ...
Work stress and people with Down syndrome and dementia - S Donaldson - Down Syndrome Research and Practice, 2002 - down-syndrome.org ... that the most common source of stress for those ... of these individuals (7%) had worked
with people with Down ... being scales of Anxiety (t(58)=0.19 ns), Depression ... -
Emotional Reactions of Children to War Stress in Croatia. - I ZIVCIC - Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent …, 1993 - jaacap.com ... for children in situations of extreme stress, it was ... devastation of their homes,
and people around them ... Joy Anger Fear Sadness 0.18* 0.06 0.19* 0.19* 0.06 0.10 ...
The stressors and stress of being HIV-positive - SC Thompson, C Nanni, A Levine - AIDS Care, 1996 - informaworld.com ... The ? nal item on the scale asked people to list any ... r 5 0.25, p . 0.01) and perceived stress was correlated ... of cigarettes smoked per day (r 5 0.19, p , 0.05 ...
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People who can't say no risk stress, anger and even illness
It might be the easiest word to say, and the most overused in our culture.
Help out with the school's bake sale? Yes. Work an extra shift at the hospital? Yes. Bring a main dish to the neighborhood dinner party after your 60-hour workweek? Yes.
"Yes" might be the automatic, simplest or least painful response — even when we truly want to say no. But there is eventually a price: in stress, anger, passive-aggressive behavior, exhaustion and illness.
Oprah Winfrey refers to the syndrome as "The Disease to Please," a 2002 book by the late Harriet Braiker (McGraw-Hill).
So who has this disease, and how did they get it?
"The need to please is instilled in us from an early age when we learn to 'be nice,' " says New Jersey-based psychologist Patricia Farrell. "Women in particular are reminded that it's not nice to say no, unless it's in the context of a sexual request."
Farrell, author of "How to Be Your Own Therapist" (McGraw-Hill), devotes a chapter to the practice called "Stick Up for Yourself," in which she tells readers how to avoid the doormat syndrome. "That's where everyone else's wishes are more important than yours," she says.
Putting yourself first Do you find yourself always saying "yes," even when you don't want to? Here are some tips from experts on how to change your ways:
Start by making choices. For example, if you are invited to two social events in one evening, pick the one you'd prefer to go to and say no to the other by explaining that you have a previous commitment. This still might not be easy, but you'll breathe easier after you do it, and it's good practice.
When someone asks you for a favor, or to do something for her or her cause, don't automatically say yes. Say, "I will have to check my calendar and get back to you." Then really take the time to think about whether you have the time, energy or desire to do what she's asked. If you don't, get back to her promptly to say no.
The reward? Your life will be simpler, you will be taking better care of yourself and your health, and you will be living a life of integrity. You'll also be happier to say yes to the things that you really want to do.
Psychologists say that while women have been trained to say yes to others' needs at their own expense — or risk being condemned as selfish — men can face the same problem, though there are some differences.
John Townsend, a California-based therapist and co-author of the classic self-help book "Boundaries" (Zondervan), says that while women do more people-pleasing in relationships, men are more likely to say yes to tasks.
"They might lend their lawn mower to a neighbor even though they don't like him, or they'll say yes to extra responsibilities at work," Townsend says. Men will try to fix a problem even if they don't have the time, energy or knowledge to do it, he says.
Or they always might be the one to help out their overly demanding parents, even as their own wife and children get short shrift. That's particularly unhealthy, Townsend says, "because a clear marker of adulthood is that you leave your family of origin, and the family you create has to come first."
Why is it that men and women can't say no — whether to onerous tasks or to enjoyable activities they just don't have time for? Townsend says the reasons fall into a few categories of fears:
• A fear that we will lose a relationship with the person who is asking us for something if we don't say yes. "As humans, we are relational creatures, so this can be difficult for us," Townsend says.
• A fear of someone's anger. "Most of us want to avoid conflict, so we will give in, not realizing that we are training the person to treat us this way in the future, by them threatening to get mad at us," he says.
• A fear of hurting people. "This causes more damage than you would think, because we are not treating the person like an adult," Townsend says. So we end up getting angry or resentful, or show by our attitude that we really didn't want to say yes.
The empowerment of "no"
Sometimes people say yes merely to get rid of the questioner with no intention of doing what they agreed to.
In the popular book "The Four Agreements" (Amber-Allen Publishing), author Don Miguel Ruiz addresses this issue in the agreement that states, "Be impeccable with your word."
Ed Fox is a San Diego-based life coach who studied with Ruiz and frequently lectures on "The Four Agreements." He explains that the principle means, "We do what we say we are going to do." Which, by extension, means not saying yes lightly.
"But it also goes deeper than that," Fox says. "Say that you said yes to going out on a date with someone even though you didn't want to. Then you need to ask yourself: What beliefs do I have about relationships, or about myself in relationships? Why can't I say no, or why do I not feel I have the right to say no?"
Fox maintains that change isn't as easy as just starting to say no.
"What you have to do is start listening to yourself and begin breaking the old structures of just reacting the way you've been programmed to," he says. "Eventually there will be a shift, and it gets changed to action, and then you will feel empowered to say no."