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Children suffer seasonal stress

Children from divorced families find Christmas a particularly stressful time as they are forced to try and spend equal time with both parents, research reveals.

Young people often find themselves becoming pawns in their parents' rows or suffocated by overbearing mothers and fathers.

And the pressure to split time equally between divorced parents still remains an issue years after leaving home.

The research, carried out by Dr Bren Neale and Dr Jennifer Flowerdew of Leeds University and funded by the Economic and Social Research Council (ERSC), suggests children do not always benefit from being "shared" between parents.

Dr Neale said: "The principle of parental equality fails to take into account how young people experience these arrangements.

"Where shared residence is built on rivalry or, even worse, 'war' between the parents, then children can be considerably worse off than those living in one place."

He went on: "They may also suffer from a 'surfeit' of parenting: they may find themselves trapped by the demands of over-needy or over-controlling parents that prevent them from gradually taking charge of their own time and space as they grow up."

Dr Neal said parents should adopt a flexible approach to Christmas, not making the child feel guilty if they decided to go to one parent over another.

Sixty children were interviewed three years ago - and again recently - to recount their exeriences.

One young person said: "One year I'll spend Christmas with my mum and New Year with my dad, and the next it will be the other way around.

"But my dad dropped in on Christmas Day - dropped into my mum's. They didn't use to, but they've started getting on a bit better, so he sort of drops in and has a glass of champagne or something."

Another explained: "My dad is quite jealous so he gets upset if he doesn't have equal, or more than equal of the time spent with my mother.

"He is a fiercely kind of, involved father. Even now I've left home, I still have to try and balance it. Christmas is a nightmare. If I see Mum I have to see Dad."

In a separate study, step-families were shown to be the largest growing social family group with just under 20% of fathers aged 34 being step-dads.

This figure is almost double the number of those men aged 46.

The study, led by Professor Rosalind Edwards of London Southbank University, found the majority of step-families were made up of a step-father who joined a woman and her biological children.

But there are also instances when the new couple go on to have their own children, or the step-father has children of his own.

Prof Edwards said: "There are particular tensions about where children should spend Christmas - with their resident mother and step-father, or with their non-resident father and, if he has one, his partner."

One mother interviewed, Tina, said the real father did not play a significant role in her child's life.

"As far as I'm concerned her father doesn't contribute in any way, financially or emotionally really, to my daughter's upbringing," she said.

"So we have first refusal. Which means she will spend Christmas with us."

Other parents alternate Christmases or leave the child to make the decision.

"Not all youngsters found this responsibility easy," said Prof Edwards. "They feared upsetting one or other parent."

Presents were another area which was complicated by having divorced parents.

The study found some mothers who lived with their child believed the non-resident father was giving expensive presents to "buy" their offspring's love.