Recent News and Articles on the Keywords: sleep + daughter + herself  Related to the article below (Last Update: 8/5/2008)

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Why won't my daughter sleep by herself?

 Having a child who wakes every night is completely exhausting and I am not surprised you feel you have aged 10 years. You are not alone. Up to three quarters of young children have periods of not sleeping well.

For many young children the main problem is that they have never learnt to settle to sleep on their own. This may be the underlying problem in your daughter's case as you say she insists on cuddling your arm to get back to sleep.

Going to bed or returning to sleep means being separated from you and is bound to be unsettling. Teaching her to cope with this separation is the key to her sleep problems, but it takes a lot of hard work, commitment, consistency and support from each other.

These are some ideas which may help:

• Start by keeping a sleep diary, recording how long it takes for your daughter to settle to bed, where she falls asleep, when she wakes in the night and how this is handled.

  Keep pen, paper and a clock by the bedside as the night events can be quite blurred the next morning. After a week or two patterns may emerge and you may come up with some ideas yourselves.

• Look at your daughter's bed-time routine. You need to set a regular bed-time which you stick to and have a half-hour wind down routine beforehand.

  You may already be doing this, but a typical routine includes a bath, pyjamas, offering a snack or milky drink, teeth brushing, reading a book, telling a story or singing a song in bed or whilst cuddling somewhere quiet, ideally without lots of other people and no TV. Then settle her into bed and say goodnight.

• Comforters such as a favourite blanket, cuddly toy or other object can all give her a sense of security. If she doesn't have one you could ask her to choose something which would help her to get to sleep.

• Avoid stimulants such as caffeine containing drinks (tea, coffee, cola drinks and cocoa) after about 5 pm. Also computer games and TV can stop her relaxing before bed.

• When she cries, go to her room but do not take her out of bed or out of her room. If she leaves her room take her back gently, stay for a minute or two, then leave. Reassure her that she is safe in her room and that you are nearby. She may find it helpful to have a night light or a favourite story or music tape to play when she is in bed.

• It often helps to encourage her to play in her room during the daytime, perhaps with other friends. This makes her room more acceptable as part of her normal environment where she is surrounded by familiar toys and objects and creates happy memories of playing in her room when she comes to bed time.

• Check that she has no particular anxieties about her room such as the window rattling, fear of people getting in, noises from pipes or heating which could wake or frighten her.

• She may be too young to understand reward schemes as her memory may be based more on day to day than weekly achievements. Give masses of praise whenever she manages to go back to and stay in her bed.

• You mention her eczema. The itching from this can certainly keep her awake. Discuss this with her GP to make sure she has all the appropriate moisturisers and if necessary steroids or antibiotics for flare ups.

  Sometimes night time sedation with an antihistamine such as Phenergan, which also reduces itching, can be invaluable in letting you all catch up on sleep. Her GP can prescribe this for her.

  Your health visitor is an invaluable source of experienced advice and support at this stage. If despite all these measures there is no progress it may be worth asking for a referral by your health visitor or GP to a sleep clinic or child psychologist.

  For more help, try reading 'My Child Won't Sleep' by Jo Douglas and Naomi Richman, published by Penguin.

  We recommend readers seek personal medical attention in appropriate circumstances.