What can go wrong in the 're-do'? Only everything

By CARL HIAASEN

T en most-asked questions about a possible re-do of

the Florida Democratic

Primary.

1. This whole thing is just a gag, right? Somebody's lame idea of a joke?

If only it were.

Acting with unfathomable haste and stupidity, the National Democratic Party stripped Florida of its convention delegates when the state decided to move up the date of its presidential primary.

About 1.7 million loyal Democrats showed up on Jan. 29 and voted anyway, though they were basically tinkling into the wind.

As fate would have it, the race between Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama is now so tight that Florida's delegates could be crucial in deciding the nominee. That's why some party leaders wanted to ''re-do'' the primary by mail, a long-shot idea that terrifies supporters of both candidates.

2. Does anyone in their right mind believe that Florida could conduct postal balloting without a major screw-up or scandal?

Heavens, no! The whole country is keenly aware that our state is a sump hole of incompetence and corruption.

Submitting fraudulent hand-written ballots has always been a favored method of rigging elections here, and there's no reason to think the tradition wouldn't continue.

3. Why not just seat Florida's 211 delegates based on the results of the Jan. 29 vote?

That would be a windfall for Clinton, who easily won the balloting here that day. However, Democratic voters had been told far in advance that the primary wouldn't mean anything, and there's no telling how many didn't bother to go to the polls.

Lots of Obama supporters would be seriously ticked off to hear that January's so-called straw vote was now going to stand as the real deal. It's like Major League Baseball waiting until midseason and then declaring that spring training games will count in the final standings.

4. So why doesn't the party schedule a second presidential primary in which Florida Democrats go back to their polling places and re-vote?

Holding a full, nonpretend primary would be expensive and, inevitably, chaotic.

In almost every election since the 2000 fiasco that sank Al Gore, one or more Florida counties have experienced serious problems with new voting machines. Due to the high risk of either equipment malfunction or citizen malfunction, these tricky devices should be avoided whenever possible.

Hence, the controversial push for a secret vote-by-mail.

5. Exactly how would that work?

Ballots would be sent to all registered Democrats about three weeks before the June 3 deadline.

(If you've moved since registering to vote, a note would be mailed to the forwarding address asking you to go update your information so that you may obtain a new primary ballot. This wouldn't be the least bit inconvenient or time-consuming, unless you happened to have a day job).

Under one proposal, the state Democratic Party would pay elections officials 10 cents per name to validate the signatures on completed ballots. Presumably the price would be higher if the signature belonged to a dead person or a fugitive.

6. Isn't there any sort of plan to protect against fraud and ballot-stuffing?

One suggestion was to appoint a supervisory panel of ''respected and knowledgeable leaders.'' In Florida such a committee would fit easily inside a phone booth.

7. If a new primary is held, how can

I be sure my primary vote would count?

Pack up and move to Pennsylvania, fast.

Just kidding! By now, most Floridians know the election-day drill: For every ballot that doesn't get counted, another ballot will accidentally be counted twice.

So it pretty much evens out.

8. After what happened here in 2000, why would the Democratic leadership jeopardize its chances to win back the White House by putting Florida in such a pivotal position?

That would be a good question for Howard Dean, the chairman of the Democratic Party. Another good question for Dean is: When are you going to stop acting like an addled hamster and do something smart?

9. If another primary were approved, is it true that the Democratic candidates would be allowed to campaign and advertise throughout Florida?

Tragically, yes. After months of peace and quiet, the Sunshine State finally would be invaded full-bore by the Obama and Clinton forces.

Remember back when Rudy Giuliani was the only one hanging around? Heck, we hardly knew he was here.

Those were the days . . .

10. What's the worst that can happen if Florida insists on holding a new Democratic primary?

You mean, besides paralyzing the nomination process, turning the presidential campaign into a legal mud bath and embarrassing ourselves again before the whole nation?

Not a thing!

Oh what a night for Valli: Frankie goes to the West End for Four Seasons musical premiere

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Among those turning out to see the production last night were Sir Alan Sugar, Cilla Black and Ronnie Corbett who all gave the star a standing ovation as he arrived on stage in the final moments.

Valli was also reunited onstage, following the performance, with his Four Season's bandmate, Bob Gaudio.

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Still going strong: Frank Valli at the first night of musical Jersey Boys which is based on his hit group the Four Seasons, with his sons and Molloy, right, at the Prince Edward Theatre last night

Oh what a night: Philip Bulcock as Nick Massi, Glenn Carter (Tommy DeVito) Ryan Molloy (Frankie Valli) and Stephen Ashfield (Bob Gaudio)

The 73-year-old became a superstar in the 1960s with hits like Sherry, Oh! What A Night and Big Girls Don't Cry and the singer watched on with delight as British actor Ryan Molloy delivered almost note-perfect versions of the tunes.

Valli thanked Molloy and gave him a hug onstage, much to the delight of the audience. Alongside him was Four Seasons band-mate Bob Gaudio, 66.

The pair were then taken to the Natural History Museum following the performance where they partied away at a lavish bash until well after midnight.

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Reunion: Valli with former Four Season bandmate Bob Gaudio. Valli is the only surviving member of the group, and still performs 80 shows a year

Valli alongside Ryan Molly, who plays the singer in Jersey Boys, and Bob Gaudio

Despite his advancing years, Valli looked in remarkably good health and said that he has no plans to slow down, admitting he is still singing and acting.

He said: "I love what I do and if you love what you do, how could you get bored of it?" he said.

"I think of all the people I know who have jobs that they hate and it's not about how much money your job pays. I'm just so happy with what I do.

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Stars: The West End's newest star Summer Strallen poses with Lionel Blair, and Barbara Windsor arrived with husband Scott Mills

Valli added: "I don't play golf or tennis, ski or snowboard, I'm still totally involved with my music. I'm not even a vacation guy. If you love what you do, why would you ever wanna leave?"

The Four Seasons have sold close to 200million records during their career. However, before their first hit in 1962, Valli was a penniless teenager, struggling to forge a career.

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Fans: Queen guitarist Brian May with wife, actress Anita Dobson, and Sir Alan Sugar with wife Ann

"If I hadn't have done music I would probably have ended up in a lot of trouble," he said. "I had no more than a high school education, no-one was sending me to college. My career was against all odds.

"I came from a poor environment with no music education and just decided I wanted to sing. If I left this business every time I got a 'no' from the record industry there would be no hit records and certainly no Jersey Boys.

"I'm so impressed by these guys and thrilled that I could come over and see it. I met Ryan a few months back and I have to say I didn't know if he would get that New Jersey accent - but hearing him now it's like he came from New Jersey!"

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Hysterical: Cilla collapses in fits of laughter after she gets a blast from the past as a fan asks her to autograph some of her albums. The cover shows a young cherubic looking Cilla with her trademark mop of red hair

Step back in time love: A young Cilla seen on the 60s album covers

And stars such as Cilla Black, Elaine Page, and the West End's newest star Summer Strallen from the Sound of Music came out to see the show, and hob nob with music legend, and former heartthrob Valli.

Cilla was seen collapsing in fits of giggles when a fan asked her to autograph one of her early albums.

The colourful musical reveals the reality behind the once successful group's troubled personal life.

With the boys variously having spent time in jail, maintained Mafia connections, cultivated gambling debts and quarrelled violently over one prized girl in particular.

The Daily Mail's Quentin Letts called it " a big thumper of a show with fantastic songs".

While the Evening Standard's Nicholas De Jongh said the show does "fly high with some of those hit anthems, dynamically staged".

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