Where we draw the line on 'adult' ads

By EDWARD SCHUMACHER-MATOS

ombudsman@MiamiHerald.com

Edward Schumacher-Matos is ombudsman for The Miami Herald.

The Book of Job goes after the godless. The Miami Herald sticks it to Elliot Spitzer. OK, so The Miami Herald is not in the same league as the Bible. But the fall of the former New York governor last week was worthy of great books: the self-righteous and unforgiving prosecutor who was himself secretly financing prostitutes. Most of us read avidly. But much like the Bible lumped in scribes, some readers now have turned on The Miami Herald.

''The Herald gets paid very well from houses of prostitution in the sports section,'' wrote gettyupgirl in a posted comment online, referring to massage, escort and other ads that run daily at the bottom of the Scoreboard page. ``All those little ads run over 1K a week. Massage parlors are nothing more than a front for pros. Located all over South Florida.''

I have no idea of the truth in that assertion, and certainly it is unfair to the many legitimate massage and other services. I also don't know what the ads cost. But the claim by gettyupgirl and other readers is a common one, borne out over the years by media articles on some services. The ads themselves are also full of innuendo, almost always with a picture of a beautiful woman.

There was Doral's Best, for example, ''for an enjoyable hour of full body pampering by our stunning new staff.'' Or there is the $50 special -- ''We'll spoil you'' -- at Naughty and Nice in either East Hallandale or near the airport with ''luxurious full body; showers, steam room, Jacuzzi; beautiful bikinis!!!'' For escorts who ''will blow your socks off,'' you can call for ``Brazilian bombshells.''

''Stress relief'' and ''stress busters'' are advertised at several establishments. They don't say how, though bikinis seem involved. Some ads cut out the warm-up talk and just put a phone number with the picture, usually in a come-hither pose, one sucking her finger.

Then there are the strip joints, otherwise known as adult or gentlemen's clubs, where negotiating for sex has been known to occur. Tootsie's Cabaret had ''XXX Adult Starlet'' Regan Anthony performing one night. Not to be outdone, the cleverly named ''Booby Trap'' in Homestead, Doral and South Miami advertised ''484 Hot Showgirls.'' One wag in the newsroom calls Scoreboard the ''vice page,'' uniting gamblers at the top and sex at the bottom. In fairness, the strip clubs run the gamut from classy to sleazy.

The Miami Herald's ads are quaint next to what often runs in alternative weeklies and the Yellow Pages, for women and men. Sex, moreover, is used for selling everywhere. Look at the movies, television and the magazine stands. Still, as John Falcone of Palmetto Bay wrote: 'How does the newspaper reconcile lamenting politicians' mistakes with an ad policy that promotes the same type of activity that brought down some of these politicians?''

I asked that question of Alexandra Villoch, the senior vice president for advertising and marketing. ''We try to be very, very restrictive,'' she said. She explained that what the newspaper does is essentially pass the buck to the government itself. The Miami Herald has a posted policy that requires all ''adult'' advertisers to have an occupational license called a Local Business Tax Receipt from the county. If the government recognizes the business as legitimate, then The Miami Herald accepts it as true.

The policy does, however, impose a number of restrictions, including requiring that photos be only from shoulders up, the ads be grouped in sports and forbidding a long list of explicit or double-meaning words, such as ''kink,'' ''submissive,'' ''role play'' and ``2-lady shows.''

''I've learned more new vocabulary than I care to,'' Ms. Villoch said. So, is The Miami Herald still a hypocrite?

Of course, I am, too. As publisher of the Rumbo chain of Spanish-language newspapers in Texas up until a year ago, I approved similar ads, with similar guidelines. My rule was that ads could not be offensive to women. But if Cosmopolitan magazine is a baseline, that leaves a lot of latitude. The ads also had to be -- you guessed it -- in sports. Most daily newspapers do the same.

Then there is the economic question. At a time when advertising is falling in newspapers, publishing the ads seems a small price to help keep putting the newspaper in your hands. Some surely will see that as selling your soul to the devil. I don't.

But first let's put in a good word for hypocrisy. Growing bodies of literature in organizational management and foreign relations say hypocrisy can actually serve a higher morality. By pretending to believe what you don't, or by glossing over contradictions, unnecessary confrontations often can be avoided in the workplace and among nations. Honesty, in other words, is not always the best policy. Righteousness can be worse, especially if it means creating unnecessary conflicts. The key word is ``unnecessary.''

The Miami Herald's ads don't pursue such lofty aims, but they do fall in a tradition of ''live and let live'' that I support. I fear the puritans and ayatollahs, including in newsrooms, more than I fear minor vice that should remain a private matter. I like the grays and fallibility of human nature. Relativism is good, for individual sanity and social cohesion.

The issue is where to draw the lines. Some do have to be drawn, though too much of the focus now is on sex. It's none of our business if a president has an affair with an adult junior employee. It is if a congressman preys on student interns. It is not if a married senator likes willing male partners. But he loses the privilege of privacy if he is a public nuisance in men's rooms.

Prostitution is mostly sad, for the seller and the buyer. Sex slavery is abominable. What then of Spitzer? He set himself up. As attorney general and governor, he was a chief law officer and so, personally, could not break the law however much society winks at prostitution. Worse, he made a point of prosecuting it. His was more than hypocrisy. It was total gall, mocking the rest of us. He crossed the line. He pays.

Tom Parker Bowles: Honest to cod with the best fish and chips

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The concept of upmarket fish and chips is hardly a new one.

Such distinguished names as Marco Pierre White and Mark Hix have had this British classic on their menus for years ? though you could hardly describe Mirabelle or Le Caprice as your local chippy.

But the news that Michelin-starred chef Tom Aikens has just added a fish and chip shop to his burgeoning empire comes as something of a surprise.

Tom's Place, in a quietly immaculate Chelsea backstreet, is not exactly your local fried fish palace.

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Tom Aikens serves only sustainable fish varieties in his new restaurant

Rather than faded adverts for dubious pies, there are black-and-white portraits of swarthy fishermen, all Tom's suppliers.

Cod and chips comes in at £12 per portion, with breaded scampi priced at a regal £20.

And there isn't a jar of pickled eggs to be seen.

It's enough to have the residents of Whitby spluttering into their haddock.

But this is no mere over-priced vanity venture, where posh fish and chips comes slathered in retro irony.

Because not only is Aikens seeking to create one of the most environmentally friendly, sustainably sourced chippies in the country. He also wants a taste to match.

I meet him on opening day, when he sits serenely amid a sea of chaos signing cheques and fine-tuning the last details.

"We should all be entitled to great food," he says as another document is passed to him, "regardless of where or who we are and our class."

This is a laudable philosophy, from a chef who made his name at the top end of the market.

But what differentiates Tom's Place from other establishments is an all-encompassing commitment to the future.

"The conservational aspect of fishing and the way we fish is an area I want to promote through the restaurant, relying on sustainably sourced fish, line- and net-caught as much as possible, and highlighting the fact that most people think that fish is available all year, when actually it's a seasonal product that we must cherish and look after."

The cod is Marine Stewardship Council-certified ? there's ray instead of skate, and less glamorous fish such as gurnard and pollack play a big role.

In addition, all of the wine is British, along with the apple juice, ginger beer and even tea (from Tregothnan in Cornwall).

And Tom's dedication to all things environmentally friendly goes further still.

The building is heated by hot air recycled from the kitchen, the lights use low-energy bulbs and the tables are made from recycled plastic.

You get recycled cardboard for your takeaway, biodegradable napkins and cutlery made from corn and potato starch.

It's enough to make the eco-warriors shake in their mung-bean gilets.

But if the food tasted like a dirty hippy's beard, all the good work would be in vain.

Thankfully, though, Aikens is equally obsessed with the ultimate fish and chips.

Everything is fried in beef dripping, which immediately makes me happy.

Fish arrives in batter so crisp and golden that it can be grasped in one hand.

The cod is firm, pearly white and steamed within its golden casing, peeling off in fat, sweet chunks.

And the chips, although a touch meagre in quantity, combine beautiful crunch with a hot, fluffy centre.

Tom's Place is easily an equal to two of my favourite chippies in England, Henley's Of Wivenhoe and Petrou Brothers in Chatteris.

Those less enamoured by battered fish can choose anything from grilled Cornish sardines to spaghetti alle vongole.

There's something for every taste, and all can be devoured with a clear conscience.

"I think that this is the future of restaurants," says Aikens.

"It's about sourcing well and sustainability. In five years, this will be more than a trend. It will be a given."

Make the food this good, and my rather bleak vision of the future becomes positively enticing.

Tom's Place, 1 Cale Street, London SW3. Call 020 7351 1806, or visit tomsplace.org.uk

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