Teenage girl arrested and three hospitalised as Ysgol Dyffryn Aman school put in lockdown

Three soldiers were injured after the mounted regiment horses getting exercise were spooked by falling concrete - covered in blood they then tore through the capital

The horses are said to have become spooked during a training exercise

World anow more dangerous now than at any moment since the Cold Wara says prime minister

National Crime Agency questioning three men after fatal boat crossing attempt from France on Tuesday

Police and ambulance called out to Amman Valley School in Ammanford, Carmarthenshire

Two rampant horses covered a great distance in central London, leaving four injured

The British army has shared an update after military horses ran amok in central London after being spooked by falling rubble on Wednesday 24 April.

Two 19-year-old footballers were arrested and released on bail, police said

Man, 56, charged after officers find suspect with young girl three hours after she went missing

Rishi Sunak met with soldiers of the German armed forces and was given a tour of a military vehicle during his visit to Berlin on Wednesday 24 April.

Michael OaLeary said the UK government had not approached his budget airline

The animals, wearing saddles and bridles, were seen running in the road near Aldwych on Wednesday morning

Exclusive: Personal attacks or aggressive behaviour is the most common form of vexatious complaint impacting staff members

Cleaners dangled 33m from the road on Tower Bridge as they cleaned the underside of the structure"s glass walkways for the first time in 10 years.

An escapee cavalry horse appeared to have an injured leg as it was located by the army after running amok in London on Wednesday 24 April.

Watch as MPs and Lords hold a one-off session on arms exports to Israel at the Business and Trade Committee on Wednesday, 24 April.

Five migrants, including a seven-year-old girl, were killed when their dinghy got into trouble off the coast of France as they attempted the English Channel crossing on Tuesday morning

A witness has recalled the chaos he saw as blood-soaked horses ran loose through central London after breaking free from the Household Cavalry on Wednesday, 24 April.

Watch as German chancellor Olaf Scholz welcomes Rishi Sunak to Berlin before they hold a joint news conference on Wednesday 24 April.

Watch as deputy prime minister Oliver Dowden clashed with Labouras deputy leader Angela Rayner during Prime Ministeras Questions on Wednesday 24 April.

CCTV footage captures the moment a man breaks into a McDonaldas to steal food, before setting fire to his own flat.

Police struggled to hold back photographers surging forward eager to capture the first shots of the former DUP leader

Exclusive: Following widespread backlash, Bajan prime minister Mia Mottley has announced that the acquisition will be paused in light of public anger with the move and a public consultation will take place

Labouras deputy leader uses session to tackle the government on its housing record, accusing ministers of delaying justice on no-fault evictions

Ben Habib said asylum seekers attempting to reach Britain in small boats should asuffer the consequencesa of trying to reach the UK in small boats

Reform UK"s deputy leader Ben Habib appeared to suggest migrants should be left to drown in the English Channel in comments that horrified an interviewer on Tuesday, 23 April.

Aberdeen is the cheapest city, while St Albans in Hertfordshire is most expensive outside of London

Angela Rayner labelled Rishi Sunak a apint-sized losera as she claimed Boris Johnson was the Conservative Partyas abiggest election winnera during a heated Prime Ministeras Questions (PMQs) exchange.

Prime Ministeras Questions descended into chaos on Wednesday 24 April, as a Tory MP opened the session by attacking Labour with a long-winded question.

Angela Rayner told Tory MPs to "stop obsessing" over her council tax and "get a grip" during a fiery Prime Minister"s Questions on Wednesday, 24 April.

Defence Secretary Grant Shapps said it was areasonablea to cut 72,000 civil service jobs to fund Rishi Sunakas pledge to boost defence spending to 2.5 percent of gross domestic product by 2030.

Frank Field was director of the Child Poverty Action Group between 1969 and 1979, and the Member of Parliament for Birkenhead between 1979 and 2019

Grant Shapps said: aThe United States can always be relied on to do the right thing, once they have exhausted all other optionsa

Home secretary said he was being aa bit clunky with my phraseologya

The 61-year-old politician was arrested and charged in relation to historical sexual allegations at the end of March

The mother of Barnaby Webber, who was stabbed to death in the Nottingham attacks, has said the police officer who posted graphic details of the victimas injuries is adesensitised and disrespectfula.

The 16-year-old was wearing just his boxers when he attacked the boys and housemaster at Blundellas School

Blood-soaked horses ran loose through London after breaking free from the Household Cavalry on Wednesday, 24 April.

Warren Dowling started to panic when his inhaler didnat work and died shortly after asthma attack

The horses are said to have become spooked during a training exercise with a soldier injured

Doctors say the ruling sends aa worrying messagea to other doctors, including many who are also concerned about the climate crisis

Father asaw his little daughter die before his eyesa says charity worker after Channel rescue

Swifites asked the pub to check CCTV for sigthings of the singer

The government has been accused of bowing to a group of apro-landlord MPsa

Emma Webber called the messages acallous, degrading and desensitiseda after they referred to her son being aproperly butchereda

Sister of Albanian asylum seeker who died on the Bibby Stockholm calls for independent inquiry into his death

April saw increases to benefits and the state pension

Citizen science survey shows 78 per cent decline in abug splatsa on number plates

The former Syracuse University basketball star was arrested in March

Swift dissected her brief fling with The 1975 frontman on her new album aThe Tortured Poets Departmenta

The Grammy-nominated artist was accused of sexual assault by two women last year in separate lawsuits

aIf you think Iam going to take the lead role in a movie about how OJ didnat do it, youave got to be kidding me,a the actor reportedly said

aThis one hurts,a wrote the pop superstar. aPlease keep his family in your prayers. See you in paradise brother.a

The aSaturday Night Livea star said that she ahad to get there myselfa

The aHandmaidas Talea star recalls hitting a wall the wrong way during one of the seriesa stunt scenes

Stone took home the Best Actress prize on the night for her performance in aPoor Thingsa

Game of Thrones star Liam Cunningham has said the internet awill not forgeta those who did not express support for Palestinians.

Singer made headlines last year after she made a passing remark about being attracted to women in an interview with aVarietya

aTo say you didnat know is not an option,a argued the 62-year-old

aA sequel is decieded by the opening weekenda the Barbie actor said

The overall winner will be announced on 13 June

aDonald Trump may be full of gas, but his supporters seem to be running outa

Staff have responded after Taylor Swift fans flocked to a London pub apparently referenced on her new album, The Tortured Poets Department.

Jennifer Aniston has revealed her favourite comfort food - nachos.

Josh OaConnor has revealed which tennis star inspired a alightly suggestivea scene in Challengers.

Luca Guadagninoas thrilling new movie posits that every conversation is a tennis match, and every tennis match is a sex scene a you will be powerless to resist it

Hugh Grant has revealed why he was open to a return as Daniel Cleaver in the upcoming Bridget Jones sequel.

aRoseannea actor makes bizarre joke in askita that she was arapeda by US president Joe Biden

Show has been axed after 14 years

Instrument played by both Lennon had sat forgotten in an attic in the English countryside for decades

aI felt sick,a audience member said

Barker insists decision to ask her to leave was for audience, not himself

American comic Arj Barker ejected a mother and her seven-month-old from his Melbourne show

Listeners are convinced athanK you aIMeea references the reality star

While Richard Gaddas stalker drama continues to dominate the Netflix charts, armchair detectives have attempted to find two of the real-life figures who inspired the series. We must do better, writes Adam White, but itas also baffling that neither Gadd nor Netflix saw this coming

Actor has been a part of the hit CBS show since its 2021 launch

Pop star was convicted of child sexual abuse in 2015 and sentenced to 16 years in prison

aI think thatas why I donat look bad for 84,a the aFawlty Towersa star said

Few actors are brave enough to admit that they turned down some of the most famous films in recent memory, but these ones did, writes Adam White

A photographer who worked for hip-hop star Megan Thee Stallion says she was an abusive boss who fired him unfairly

A new trailer has given fans the first glimpse of Channing Tatum and Naomi Ackie in Blink Twice.

Broadcaster had recently taken a leave of absence from work to care for her mother, Julia

A comedian who asked a mother and her baby to leave his show in Melbourne has defended his decision.

His song aToo Sweeta climbs to No 1 on Billboard Hot 100

Comedian Richard Gadd wrote and starred in show about his own stalking experience

Netflix show aBaby Reindeera tells real-life story of Gaddas experiences of stalking and abuse

Netflix user spotted secret code in Marthaas emails to Donny

Richard Gadd has asked fans to stop speculating over the inspiration for his Netflix series

The band who wrote and recorded aValeriea are back with a new album after 16 years. They tell Craig McLean how drugs and booze derailed their chart career before they realised how much they meant to each other

Fans have speculated that Swiftas new song athanK you aIMeea is about her feud with Kardashian

Emilio Garcia alleges in a lawsuit that he was inside a moving vehicle with the rapper while she had sex with a woman

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The way everyone will "ooh" and "ahhhh" at your fancy new touchscreen toaster.

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The real question is can you beat half of TikTok to this ridiculously satisfying stress cube and luxurious foaming deep pore cleanser d.

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"That would be so nice," she said.

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Whether you need help gardening or taking your little ones to the beach, this post has what you need to make your life a little easier.

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Featuring a mattifying dry shampoo, a reusable pet hair remover, and a 100% natural oven scrub that deserves 6/5 stars.

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The glow-up will be so tempting, you"ll be texting, "Sorry, I can"t make it (*cough cough*) I"m sick" all summer long.

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These words a and the assumption behind them a are surprisingly toxic to relationships.

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"TMI, but self-pleasure is an enormous, enormous part of my life."

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These silicone travel sleeves for your toiletries will give you the best of both worlds a goodbye to buying travel sized products, you"ll be in your Hannah Montana saving money *and* traveling era.

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"Now there are two moons on the stage."

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"You are acting like Mussolini has walked into the room, and it is not."

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"I"m near-unoffendable."

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"Welcome to the people"s University for Palestine."

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Does anyone really like fruitcake...

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aNot kim posting a pic with karlie today that was taken TWO YEARS ago??? i smell drama.a

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If my roommate let their dog poop all over our deck, one of us would have to move out.

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I sincerely had no idea.

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"They should let Biden hit a dab pen, then just send him out on stage and see what happens."

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"I was never planning on talking about my sexuality ever, in a million years. Itas really frustrating to me that it came up," she said.

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"I knew I had to get there myself."

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aItas been literally years.a

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A Friends prequel about Phoebe is genuinely a great idea.

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It"s a tough day for eyeshadow wearers.

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"A friend of mine learned this in culinary school, and I"ve adopted it as my own ever since."

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Winter is coming.

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"No one specific food or drink is likely to cause constipation on its own for most individuals a however, your daily eating habits can worsen an existing issue."

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For starters, before embarking on your trip you should find out everyoneas budgeting priorities and preferences.

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Suits that you"ll not only look good and feel great in but will also allow you to jump right in! d

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Party pledges to bring all passenger rail a but not rolling stock a into public ownership as contracts with train operators expire

Labour will fully nationalise the train network within five years of coming to power, with a pledge to guarantee the cheapest fares as part of athe biggest reform of our railways for a generationa.

One of Labouras first major acts in government will bring all passenger rail into national ownership under Great British Railways as contracts with private operators expire, a plan endorsed by the architect of the Conservativesa own rail plan.

Three taken to hospital after incident at Ysgol Dyffryn Aman and teenager held on suspicion of attempted murder

A teenage girl has been arrested on suspicion of attempted murder after two teachers and a pupil were stabbed at a school in south-west Wales.

Dyfed-Powys police said the injuries were not life-threatening and officers were continuing to investigate the incident after they were called to Ysgol Dyffryn Aman in Carmarthenshire at 11.20am on Wednesday.

Exclusive: Dmytro Kuleba hails US aid package but says allies need to increase arms production to help fight Russia

• Ukraine war a live updates

Ukraineas foreign minister has enthusiastically praised US politicians for approving a long-delayed $61bn military aid package for Ukraine, but said western allies needed to recognise that athe era of peace in Europe is overa and that Kyiv would inevitably need more help to fight off Russia.

aHallelujah,a Dmytro Kuleba said when asked for his reaction to Tuesdayas final vote by the US Senate. He said it had been amy belief that we would have a positive outcomea, based in part on the cultivation of religious conservatives, but the west needed to build its defence industry further.

Two reservists brigades mobilised for Gaza missions while rows of tents put up in Khan Younis

Israel appears to be readying to send troops into Gazaas southernmost city of Rafah, the only corner of the strip that has not seen fierce ground fighting and where more than half of the Palestinian territoryas population of 2.3 million has sought shelter.

The Israeli military said on Wednesday that two reservist brigades had been mobilised for missions in Gaza, while video that circulated online appeared to show rows of square white tents going up in Khan Younis, 3 miles (5km) north of Rafah, which was decimated in a months-long Israeli air and ground campaign. A spokesperson for prime minister Benjamin Netanyahuas government said Israel was amoving aheada with a ground operation, but gave no timeline.

Home secretary visits Lampedusa in Italy as National Audit Office says scheme could surpass APS580m by 2030

Several flights a month will deport asylum seekers to Rwanda aindefinitelya, the home secretary has said, as he argued that the APS1.8m a person cost of the scheme was justified.

James Cleverly, in his first interview since the governmentas plan was approved by parliament on Monday, said he had booked a succession of initial flights and was preparing to order the detention of people seeking refuge in the UK so they could be sent to east Africa.

Teaching unions share familyas disappointment after government says system has asignificant benefitsa

Ofstedas controversial single-word judgments are here to stay, the government has ruled, in a blow to campaigners who hoped they would be scrapped after the suicide of the primary school headteacher Ruth Perry.

Perryas sister, Prof Julia Waters, reacted with fury to the governmentas statement, published on Thursday in response to an inquiry into Ofsted by MPs on the Commons education committee, describing it as awoefully inadequatea.

In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counsellor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org

The groupas facility near Manchester, where four women died, ashould be prosecuteda, says Richard Caseby

The father of a 23-year-old man who died after neglect at a Priory hospital is calling for a criminal investigation into a second Priory facility where four young women died.

Richard Caseby said the Priory should be investigated and prosecuted after three patients died within two months of each other in 2022 at the Prioryas Cheadle Royal hospital, near Manchester, while a fourth patient died last year.

In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org

Prison service helping to trace Jamie Ross, 29, and return him to custody

Police are searching for a convicted prisoner who fled from guards while attending a funeral.

Jamie Ross, 29, was last seen in Edinburgh, Scotland, on Tuesday at about 12.28pm, near the Cameron Toll shopping centre. According to police, Ross has connections across Edinburgh and in Aberdeen.

Temperatures could hit -3C in northern England and Scotland, but Met Office says conditions are anothing exceptionala

Freezing overnight temperatures will hit parts of the UK on Wednesday and Thursday, with experts warning some areas could see snow.

The cold Arctic air is expected to cause frosts across parts of northern England and Scotland, with temperatures going as low as -3C.

The 81-year-old conductor makes a rare UK visit with his West-Eastern Divan Orchestra, while Yo-Yo Ma, Doctor Who, Florence Welch, Sam Smith and Rule, Britannia! all feature

The BBC today announces details of this summeras Proms festival of 90 concerts over eight weeks. Daniel Barenboim will be making a rare visit, conducting the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra that he and the Palestinian-American academic Edward Said founded 25 years ago. The 81-year-old conductor has almost completely stepped back from performing because of a neurological condition and has not conducted in the UK since 2019.

Sir Simon Rattle, who at last yearas Proms gave his final UK performance as the London Symphony Orchestraas music director, will be returning to the Albert Hall with his new orchestra, the Bavarian Radio Symphony. Rattleas orchestral home before the LSO, the Berlin Philharmonic, will give two concerts with its principal conductor Kirill Petrenko, the groupas only appearance in the UK this year. Also set to be a hot ticket is the 28-year-old Finnish conductor Klaus MA$?kelA$?, who comes with the Orchestra de Paris to perform Berliozas Symphonie Fantastique.

Renationalisation announced by shadow transport secretary, Louise Haigh, comes as most network contracts near expiry

This is one renationalisation that even an ultra-cautious Labour had to embrace: voters like it, there is no upfront outlay, and the Conservative government has already done most of the work to get there.

The rail plans announced by shadow transport secretary, Louise Haigh, will confirm the longstanding Labour policy of taking national rail operations back into public ownership as contracts expire. Now, though, that appears to be an imminent reality, as all contracts are expected to lapse within four years of the coming election.

At community centre where politician would make himself at home, there is gratitude for his work and sadness at his death

In a community cafe in Rock Ferry, one of the most deprived parts of Wirral, a landline phone connected directly to Frank Fieldas Westminster office. It was an ever-present link to the areaas veteran MP a not that they needed it.

Field, who represented Birkenhead for 40 years, could often be found mingling with residents in the Neo Community centre, where he would make himself at home, even down to washing the dishes. Volunteers knew they were in for a long chat if he said: aShall we have a butty?a

Joe Biden signs into law bill requiring Chinese owner to sell appas US operations

• Senate passes bill banning TikTok if owner does not sell it

Joe Biden has signed into law a bill that requires TikTokas Chinese owner to sell the social media appas US operations or face a ban, after the Senate passed the legislation.

The law, part of a foreign aid package for Ukraine, Israel and Taiwan, sets the clock ticking on a potential ban for a platform that is hugely popular in the US.

They can swallow road signs and trigger lethal neighbour feuds. From the suburbs of Britain to the deserts of Arizona, we explore a show celebrating glorious green borders

Somewhere in the leafy depths of British suburbia, a thick circular hedge sprouts from the top of a grassy hill in the middle of a roundabout. The top of the hedge is carefully trimmed with rectangular crenellations, giving it the look of a motte-and-bailey castle, while a second more threadbare hedge encircles the foot of the mound, like another layer of defence. The surrounding streets are lined with more hedges, some neatly trimmed, some left wild, some poking up behind high brick walls, others climbing even higher than the homes they shield.

This single image, taken by photographer Gareth Gardner, somehow encapsulates all of the anxieties and ambitions of the great British hedge. This trophy clump of privet a part defensive barrier, part symbol of domestic pride a stands as a shrubby monument, raised aloft on a grass plinth for all to admire, as they drive past on the way back to their own hedge-fringed homes.

Gardner happened upon the roundabout by chance, in Kingsmead, near Northwich in Cheshire, when he was retracing the footsteps of the late architecture critic Ian Nairn. In the 1950s, Nairn undertook a rage-fuelled road trip from Southampton to Carlisle, railing against what he called asubtopiaa, the kind of mindless identikit sprawl that was taking over the country like acreeping mildewa.

The two deputies had another chance to trade blows but it was a one-sided contest, as Angela Rayner went in for the kill

It had come billed as the great set-piece of the parliamentary week. Month even. With Rishi Sunak away in Germany a strange how the prime minister so often finds the only free slot in his diary is a Wednesday a prime ministeras questions was delegated to the two deputies.

It was the first time Oliver Dowden and Angela Rayner had had a chance to go head to head since the Daily Mail had taken a voyeuristic interest in the possibility that Labouras deputy leader had failed to pay capital gains tax on the sale of a home. There are now reportedly 12 police officers investigating the disputed APS1.4K. Obviously a terrific use of resources. Beats solving burglaries any day.

The Basque Countryas MondragA3n Corporation is the globeas largest industrial co-operative, with workers paying for the right to share in its profits a and its losses. In return for giving more to their employer, they expect more back

When Marisa FernA!ndez lost her husband to cancer a few years ago, her employers at the Eroski hypermarket went, she says, aabove and beyond to help me through the dark days afterwards, rejigging my timetable and giving me time off when I couldnat face coming in.a

She had a chance to return the favour recently when the store, in Arrasate-MondragA3n in Spainas Basque Country, was undergoing renovations. FernA!ndez, 58, who started on the cashier desk 34 years ago, and now manages the storeas non-food section, volunteered to work extra shifts over the weekend along with her colleagues to ensure everything was ready for Monday morning. aItas not just me. Everyone is ready to go the extra mile,a she says.

You will laugh and may cry watching these charming youngsters prepare for their bar and batmitzvahs a but with antisemitism on the rise, this film feels bizarrely flimsy

In itself, the hour-long documentary Growing Up Jewish is a| fine. Gentle and uplifting, it follows three British girls and a boy as they prepare for their bat and barmitzvahs, the Jewish rite of passage that will mark their transition at 13 into adulthood. Dylan, whose parents were raised Orthodox but attend a Reform synagogue, is thoughtful and increasingly nervous as the day approaches. aI wouldnat describe myself as a confident person,a he says, eyes wide in his tiny, beautiful face. As with all bar and batmitzvahs, the story of the flight of the Israelites from Egypt will be central. But he worries about the deaths of the Egyptians as the sea Moses parted closes over and drowns them. He doesnat think this should be celebrated. His rabbi, Miriam, talks him through other texts and commentaries on the story that give it depth and context, and suggest it is an illustration of Godas acknowledgment of human imperfection and the need to strive for better. He incorporates all this into his speech and if there is a dry eye in the house, Iad be surprised. There wasnat in mine.

Talia has a more robust approach. Her batmitzvah is about becoming a woman (aFinding love! Doing things on your own!a), then having a party. A party that must go with a swing after the traditional service her Orthodox family want. She practises her entrance (to Europeas The Final Countdown). Lovely, says the Jewish DJ, who has obviously had much experience in these matters. aBut letas remember this is about everyone whoas been part of your life for the last 13 years.a Talia takes the point without letting it lessen her ebullience one iota. It is impossible not to want more of her. aMy parents think Iam funny,a she says, puzzled. aWhen I havenat a clue what Iave said.a If she doesnat make you laugh at least three times in the hour, I would advise you to see a doctor.

The fortysomething turned her wildest fantasy a about running off with a boyband member for hot sex in fabulous locations a into a bestseller. As it hits the screen, Lee talks about writing steamy scenes in Starbucks a and her terror of being judged

Late one night, while her husband was away and her children were asleep, the writer Robinne Lee came across something that would change the course of her life. The US author, who now lives in Paris, found herself watching a particular boyband on YouTube a she refuses to name which a and felt attracted to one of them. When her husband came back from his business trip, she told him: aI found this perfect guy. Iam going to run off and follow him and his band around the world.a He laughed and said: aYouare crazy. But that would make a really good story.a

He was right. This really good story became Leeas debut novel, The Idea of You, which snowballed into a lockdown hit, attracting legions of obsessed fans around the world via word-of-mouth recommendations. Now, the story of SolA"ne Marchand, a sophisticated US divorcee on the cusp of 40, and Hayes Campbell, her 21-year-old British pop star boyfriend, has been turned into a film starring Anne Hathaway and Nicholas Galitzine.

The 19-year-old climbing protege is backed by dad Tristian, who built a wall in the garden and coached his son to the top

When climbingas Tokyo 2020 debut was announced in 2016, 12-year-old Toby Roberts from Surrey was ainstantly hookeda by an Olympic dream but he would be too young to compete in Japan. Instead he hatched an eight-year plan targeting the 2024 Games, with non-climber dad Tristian supporting as rope-holder, coach, taxi aand banka a even building a climbing wall in the garden of the family home. This summer their shared ambition will culminate high on the Olympic walls in Paris.

Roberts is now 19 and his love for his sport is stronger than ever. He says more than 20 times during this interview that aI love climbing/training/competing/trying harda. His parents Tristian and Marina couldnat be prouder. aItas been a privilege a itas inspiring to see how hard he works,a Tristian says.

Online, Leonardo da Vincias famous painting is the subject of thousands of negative reviews a on display at the Louvre, it is deluged with visitors. Is the problem the artwork or the stressful experience of seeing it?

Name: Mona Lisa.

Age: Approximately 520 years old.

The Italian Unesco site is hoping to reduce over-tourism with the charge a the first of its kind in a major city

After years in the making, Venice will on Thursday begin charging day trippers to enter the city in an effort to protect the Unesco world heritage site from the effects of over-tourism.

While the measure has ignited criticism and derision from some, who argue it is unconstitutional and restrictive of freedom of movement a the Venice mayor, Luigi Brugnaro, has compared his abraverya in enacting the charge to that of the Venetian explorer Marco Polo, in daring to go where others have feared to tread.

Can we really say Britain has a modernised monarchy when archaic titles are being handed out as if it were 1348, not 2024

I wonder if I should award myself an honour, something grand-sounding. How about Most Excellent Keeper of the Belfry? It has a nice ring about it, even if I have done nothing to deserve it. That latter consideration is of course no bar to our fossilised royal family who have this week breezily been giving themselves ludicrous sounding honours as if this were 1724, not 2024.

Camilla is now, as of yesterday, the Grand Master of the Order of the British Empire. What empire, you might ask? Rockall was Ronnie Barkeras pithy response, and that was about 40 years ago.

Norman Baker was the Liberal Democrat MP for Lewes from 1997 to 2015

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